Picture With A Twist
by MissMonk
Summary: Im Going To Draw A Picture, A Picture With A Twist, I'll Draw It With A Razor Blade, I'll Draw It On My Wrist, And As I Draw This Picture, A Fountain Will Appear, And With This Flowing Fountain, My Problems Disappear.
1. Chapter 1

This story will be kinda fast paced. It'll take me a bit longer to post chapters too (breedrs cups races next weekend) plus i'm actually reading them. Which drives me nuts cause I don't like reading my own stories, all I hear is my own voice.I promise there WILL be Charah

**Picture With A Twist.**  
**Im Going To Draw A Picture, A Picture With A Twist, I'll Draw It With A Razor Blade,**  
**I'll Draw It On My Wrist, And As I Draw This Picture, A Fountain Will Appear,**  
**And With This Flowing Fountain, My Problems Disappear.**  
**Written by BethanyLeeDawson**

Chapter 1

Chuck was depressed. He knew it. He didn't need to be a professional psychiatrist to figure it out. He'd been this way off and on practically his whole life. He couldn't help it, and he didn't know what to do about it. He felt exhausted and worn all the time. He just wanted to curl up on his bed on his side and just stare at the wall, but he knew that would cause more alarm bells then his melancholies right now.

He sighed and looked around the Buy More from behind the Nerd Herd desk where he sat. That wasn't true he knew how to change some of it, but his current predicament of being an asset of the US government made some of the changes he could have done a little more difficult than it should be. While he worked at the Buy More for years before all this happened he knew that by changing jobs in the least would have helped a little bit. But now he literally was stuck in this job for who knows how long.

He could tell how bad he was right now by how hard his friend Morgan tried to cheer him up, as he was trying to do at the moment across the room. Chuck tried to get the energy to smile at his friend for his effort but he couldn't bring himself too, especially since he didn't find making faces and dance moves around a customer all that funny to begin with.

Chuck closed his eyes for a moment and emptied everything from his mind, not allowing his brain to think. His fingers on his right hand twirled lightly around the watch that was on his left, which was placed there over a year ago by Sarah Walker, Agent of the CIA and his current fake girlfriend.

Pain shot through him thinking of that.

He truly liked Sarah a lot. He believed he could possibly be falling in love with her. However it was for naught as Agent Sarah Walker had turned down every advancement he's ever tried, and frequently pushed him away. However she was not above using his interest to rein him in, sending him mixed signals. He stopped fighting months ago, stopped worrying about it, stopped caring.

His fingers slid under the watch for a second feeling the scar that was there. He mentally told himself to stop, to not do that again, to ignore the scar and not focus on it. It was a reminder of his last failure to kill himself three years ago. Things had gotten extremely bad and he couldn't take it anymore and gave in to the anguish that coursed through him.

He had come home from work to an empty apartment after a hard day's work, after a hard week's work, after everything piling up on him. He wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and stay there, maybe even call in sick the next day. But instead he had gone to the bathroom.

He stared at his reflection for what felt like hours before the dark images and thoughts of his mind took over and reached into the cabin ate and took out one of his razor blades. The special ones he kept for the purpose of releasing all the pain he felt inside. And without blinking he lifted the razor his wrist and sliced down unflinchingly.

Luckily, or not so luckily Devon, his sisters Awesome boyfriend found him not to long after and he was saved.

Chuck closed his eyes tight at the memory, at the look on Ellies face when she found out. How she hovered over him and cried for a long time begging him to not leave her. He had never felt so guilty in his life. He didn't like seeing his sister in so much pain, so he decided that he would make a promise to her that if things ever got that bad again, he will talk to her first, tell her if the thoughts even popped up in his head or felt any way towards it.

And he had kept to that promise for over a year. It was great, he communicated with his sister, and he was closer to his best friend. Ellie insisted they seek counselling and he reluctantly agreed. It was hard at first but then he started having the sessions with Ellie and he'd never felt closer to his sister then at that time.

Chuck opened his eyes and glanced over to home electronics to see Casey, a Major for the NSA talking to a couple who were interested in one of the washer dryer unit.

That all fell apart about two years ago when Bryce Larkin, his former best friend from college sent him an email containing all the secrets in the government. Since then his life has been nothing but secrets again. Something that alarms his sister to no end. He honestly believed that the only reason his sister wasn't even more concerned was the fact that he had a girlfriend.

"Don't look so down Chuck, talk to me." Chuck jumped high as Morgan came up to the counter. His heart raced as his arms flailed out to keep seated and not fall out of the chair.

"Geez Morgan don't sneak up on a guy." He panted slightly trying to get his heart rate to normal. Morgan just gave him another concerned look.

"I've been calling your name from across the store but you weren't here apparently." He pointed out. Chuck thought for a moment and didn't remember hearing his friend so he took him at his word. He knew he'd been out of it a bit lately.

"What do you need Morgan?" He said attempting to get his heart rate back to normal. He stood up from his chair and began arranging the papers that littered the counter with work orders. They had gotten several in the past hour and he knew he should go out on one but he didn't really feel like dealing with people and their hovering, believing they know what to do.

He could feel Morgan's eyes on him but continued with his cleaning task to try and avoid asking what he was thinking, and he was grateful that his friend allowed him that. Done with his task however he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself, and debated going on one of the service calls. But to do that he would have to go to the Orange Orange first to check in with his handler/girlfriend and he wasn't in the mood to have his heart smashed at the moment.

"We should do something tonight." Morgan finally said breaking the silence between them. Chuck looked down at his watch, four minutes passed, a record perhaps for Morgan.

"I'm not really in the mood to-"

"You're never in the mood. We need to do something. We haven't in a long time. Even Ellie says-"

"Ellie? You guys were talking about me behind my back?" Chuck asked angrily. He knew they would and he shouldn't be surprised but he felt annoyance that they would talk about him and not to him. Morgan gave him a placating look before continuing.

"Well it's not like you're talking to us so we have to try and figure something out." Morgan protested back. Chuck looked away from his friend and gave a quick glance at Casey's direction. One of the reasons he couldn't and didn't talk to them anymore. Lack of privacy courtesy of the NSA.

"I know Morgan, I…look I have to go. We can talk about it later." Chuck responded distracted. He felt the air around him start to thicken and he needed to just leave the store. He grabbed the nearest install order and his tool bag and walked out feeling Morgan's eyes on him the whole way.

Chuck didn't bother checking in with Sarah. He knew he'd get crap for it later but he didn't feel like dealing with her and the drama that always surrounded them whenever they got together for anything. He walked to the back of the store since he existed the front and grabbed the nearest Nerd mobile.

He looked down at the sheet he had grabbed and placed it on his clipboard to enter its address into the GPS. Once done he placed the car in reverse and was on his way.

He tried to quail the annoyance at his friend and sister for talking about him. He knew that they were just concerned, as well they should be. He hadn't felt this low since before his suicide attempt and it scared him. He frequently felt the urge to release the pain and anxiety that built up in him so often. To release the fear he was frequently in. He was desperate to feel the cool blade dance on his skin once more.

But he had stopped that, for the most part. Occasionally if he already had a would he would pick at it, or break the skin causing it to bleed more. But he fought the urge to take a razor again, or anything else. He was sure to keep his promise and he had spoken to Ellie whenever the urge became too great, and she would hold him, and talk to him until it ended. But that didn't mean he didn't give in every now and then. Once a cutter always a cutter his therapist and said, which in turn pissed his sister off enough to seek a new therapist.

But again the lack of privacy in the past two years has made it exceptionally difficult for him to partake in that particular activity anyways. Though he did know deep down at least it was good for something. But then again he wouldn't need that protection from himself if they had just left him alone. If Bryce hadn't once again fucked up his life.

Taking a deep breath Chuck turned onto the street where his install order was. He parked the car relatively easily in the apartment complex's parking garage and sat there for a moment. He didn't really want to be there but at this point he didn't have a choice since he was already there.

Exiting the car he looked at the clipboard once more checking the unit number of the apartment and went up the stairs. It wasn't the best of places to live he deducted. He could hear screaming children and arguing parents; he heard TV's too loud and music shaking the floor.

Finally he arrived in front of the correct door, or what he hoped was the correct door not wanting to have to actually deal with one of the inhabitants of this place if he were not expected, and he knocked loudly and waited.

A few minutes later the door finally opened and Chuck was prepared for the worst until he finally saw her. His eyes widened slightly and his breath stilled.

There in front of her standing at 5'7 was a girl with amazing blue eyes and brown hair. He stuttered a few times at her, trying to get his mouth to work and his brain to jumpstart.

"You from the Buy More?" She asked him abruptly. He could only nod at her. She rolled her eyes at him obviously annoyed and impatient. "I called like four hours ago. I can't get my TV to work correctly." With that introduction she moved aside and let him into the apartment.

He stepped inside and she closed the door behind him. The first thing he noticed was how dark it was. All the curtains in the place were shut tightly not letting any natural light in. The second he noticed was how small it was. The kitchen and dining room were the same and were right next to the living room. She had large furniture making it feel cramped and the ceiling was low causing him to hunch.

Chuck watched her walk a few feet away and curls her feet under her as she sat down cross legged on the couch. She pulled a cigarettes from a pack on the table in front and looked at him expectantly as she watched him.

"Are you gonna fix it or what." She asked him holding the smoke in. He stared at her for a few seconds more intrigued before placing his tools on the table and kneeling down in front of the TV. He went to work without saying a word.

It took Chuck only twenty minutes to figure out the problem and get it fixed. He had to replace a cable in the TV but it was good as new. He began packing up his tools and filling out the form on his clip board, trying not to glance at the girl on the couch who continued to smoke nonstop.

"You don't talk much do you?" The girl asked him. He glanced up and stared at her for a moment.

"Most people tell me to shut up." He said honestly, not knowing why he would say that. They sat in silence for a few minutes staring at each other. Chuck wasn't sure what intrigued him about this girl but he couldn't help but be.

"I can't see that. They must be assholes then." With that she lifted part of her sleeve an took the cig out of her mouth with her other hand. Slowly she placed the lit end on her skin and took a deep breath as pain must have coursed through her.

Chuck was shocked, not sure what to do next as he watched her breath come out ragged as she worked through the pain, finally lifting the cigarettes from her arm. She opened her eyes a moment later to look directly into his, not saying a word.

He knew he should leave. He knew he should just get the signature needed and go back to the Buy More. There were more work orders to do, not to mention he didn't check in with his handlers. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from her arm where the burn lay open for his viewing.

"You like the show?" She asked in a whisper Chuck almost didn't hear. The room was musty and smoky and his throat was burning from the smell, but he couldn't move.

"Why did you do that?" He asked her simply, wanting to know why she would do something so intimate in front of him, a complete stranger. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know." She said simply lighting the cigarette again. "You just look like one of them. "

Chuck watched her confused as she took a long drag of her cigarettes.

"One of them?" He asked her. She blew out the smoke she was holding in.

"Yeah. Someone who, you know…" She said without really saying the words. He knew what she was talking about.

"How do they look?" He asked her curious, wondering if perhaps he really did have a mark on him broadcasting to the world that he was a cutter. That he kept his pain inside and then let it out physically on himself. The girl took another puff.

"There are many kinds of looks. You, you look forlorn, sad. You look good. Clean appearance, you speak well. But I bet if I saw more skin there would be scars everywhere." She told him.

Chuck almost was offended by that. He took great lengths to make sure he looked as normal as possible. Especially knowing his faults. It was something his sister had taught him in elementary school after their mother left and she took care of him.

"Just because you're a nerd doesn't mean you have to dress like a stereotypical one." She had told him, and with their fathers blessing and credit card she had taken her brother shopping that summer for school clothes. He looked like a normal everyday student, which saved him a lot of asskickings he believed.

"And you? What are your signs?" He asked her curiously looking her over once more. She wore black sweats and a long sleeved shirt. Her hair was a mess and she didn't have any makeup on. She looked like a crazy person in his opinion but she still looked beautiful to him.

"You're joking right? I'm the classical 'mess'." She told him with a laugh. Chuck didn't know exactly what to say, she was right she was a mess. But she still intrigued him.

Just then Chuck's phone rang, giving the ring tone he assigned to her long ago. He flinched for a second before digging out his phone.

"Ah, you have a ball and chain." The girl stated lightly.

"Hello?" He answered as lightly as he could, trying not to cough at the smoke entering his lungs.

"Where are you?" Sarah's voice cut through, he could hear the slight panic in her voice as she asked.

"I'm on a service call I should be done soon." He replied to her. He heard her sigh in relief on the other end and he wondered what it was all about.

"Alright, be careful though you're not in the best part of town. How long till you leave?" She inquired. Chuck held back the sigh of annoyance that wanted to come out. Sometimes his handlers seem to wrap him up in a bubble expecting him to hurt himself on every little corner.

"I don't know Sarah, soon. I have to finish here ok. I'll see you later." With that he disconnected the call, knowing in his gut that he'll probably pay for it later.

"Ball and chain upset? Sorry to hear that." The girl said. Chuck just stared back at her for a few moments before handing her the forms to sign. She took it and filled out the remaining portion of it before handing it back.

"If there's nothing else-"

"Natalie." She said simply, standing up as he did. He looked over to her.

"I'm sorry?" He asked confused. She gave him a wicked smile.

"My name is Natalie. This whole time you didn't bother to ask my name, it's Natalie." She repeated.

"It was nice to meet you Natalie." He said politely holding out his hand to shake her.

Her hand shot out to shake his and he could feel the roughness of her palms, imagining what damage she caused herself to make that way. He was caught off guard in his thoughts as she pulled him closer and grabbed him behind his neck pulling him down. She placed her lips upon his kissing him fiercely. Chuck could taste the cigarettes on her mouth and was slightly repulsed but at the same time the kiss felt so good. It had been a long time since he'd felt this passion and it felt wonderful as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

He slowly broke the kiss, giving a few pecks before finally pulling away and to an upright position, covering his mouth in horror with his hand at what he did.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I don't – "

"It's fine. I started it, and I liked it." Natalie said, gleaming up at her.

"Chuck." He said suddenly, realizing she probably didn't know his name.

"Yes Chuck. I look forward to seeing you around." With that he turned around and began opening the door. "Fridays, I like to hang out at a bar on Lincoln St. It's called the Wet Noodle. It has great music and fabulous beer. "

Chuck looked at her with a slight smile. It wasn't exactly asking a date but he appreciated the thought.

"I uh - have a girlfriend, kinda." He said, though he knew she already was aware of it. She just gave him another wicked smile.

"It'll just be two people hanging out. I'll be good." She promised, though he doubted she would be. He gave her a slight nod and said a quiet goodbye before finally leaving.

Chuck stood outside the door after closing it with his eyes shut taking a few deep breaths. The clearer air of the outside burned his lungs after being inside a smoke filled apartment for so long. He wasn't sure what to do now. Natalie had invited him to the club, unofficially but he did have a girlfriend, in some sense. He would have to decide later.

"Where have you been Chuck?" Sarah said annoyed as he checked into the Orange Orange when he came back. She was very angry looking and he knew he should be slightly afraid. She was a deadly assassin after all.

"I told you a service call." He stated, going with the truth despite her glare.

"For over two hours? Casey called me saying you left, why didn't you check in first? You know the rules!" She said causing anger to rise in Chuck.

"Rules? What am I five? I'm an adult Sarah or did you forget?" He spat out angrily. "It's not enough you track my every move through my watch and phone, you bug my house and cars. I was only working!" Immediately he regretted it, seeing the shocked look on her face. He felt exhausted suddenly as the small burst of emotion, though in a way it felt good after not really feeling much in the past few weeks.

"I'm sorry Sarah." He said softly. Sarah gave him a look of concern and he knew she was going to start asking questions. Questions he didn't have answers to.

"What is wrong Chuck?" She asked almost desperately. He couldn't reply he just turned around to head towards the door. "Chuck, wait." And he did.

He felt Sarah walk up to him and stand behind him. He felt her arm reach out to his back and lightly touch it sending shivers to run through his body. He closed his eyes at the sensation of goose bumps crossing his skin.

"Please don't." He begged quietly not able to handle her touching him. He knew it was another way she used to manipulate him. Something that hurt him greatly to know. He wishes desperately she was doing it because she cared but he knew better. She was an Agent first and always. Her job was to protect him and keep him in line no matter what.

"Something's wrong Chuck. Has been. Please let me help" She begged. Chuck took a step away from her toward the door but didn't turn around.

"You want to help then let me have my life back." He said coldly before exiting the door to head back to the Buy More with Sarah staring after him sadly.

A/N: Next chapter hopefully Sunday if not then Weds.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you charahkids, GCG23 ,wilf21, Nomadic Nerd for the reviews. I appreciate them.

Chapter 2

For the past three days Chuck hadn't been able to get Natalie out of his mind. He still couldn't figure out what it was about her but he couldn't help but want to know more of her. To learn about her. He knew in his heart he was in love with Sarah, but he also felt that they were going nowhere. They couldn't go anywhere. Not while she was in the CIA and not while he was just an asset.

Chuck rolled over on his side, bringing his lanky legs up flat against his chest. Laying his arm under his head he could see the skin there, noticing the weight loss. It was obvious Ellie noticed it as well as she went out of her way to make sure a meal was made and food was in the fridge and things he like to eat was around. Whenever she was home she would make sure he ate, frequently bringing him snacks watching him like a hawk to make sure he was keeping it down.

Like bulimia has ever been something he did. He had to roll his eyes at that thought. He didn't do any of this intentionally, he just happens to lose his appetite when he's lower than down in the dumps.

She had tried talking to him about it. Bringing up that she noticed his moods, noticed his depression. She confessed she was very worried about him, that she was afraid he would hurt himself again. Ellie had broken down crying at that and it only served to make Chuck feel worse.

"I promised I wouldn't Ellie, I'm holding on to that no matter what happens." He told her calmly holding her tight. He promised in a soft whisper over and over that he was staying, that he'll get over it. Ellie recommended counseling again, but this time the thought dug Chuck even further. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't be able to tell her the truth. He would have to keep lying about what was wrong and make something up which would serve no purpose in the help the counseling was supposed to do.

Chuck shook his head best he could while lying down. He didn't want to think about that anymore. He's thought of it plenty over the last two days since it happened.

Even worse was when Sarah came by the night after he yelled at her. After he told her not to touch him. She pried into him, using her best techniques as an Agent to get him to confess but the whole activity just made him even sadder. That she couldn't even talk to him as her, she had to resort to her training.

He didn't blame her. He was well aware of her emotional limitations. She had grown up with a con artist father who while he no doubted loved his daughter, had obviously loved the rush of the con more. Her immediate recruitment to the CIA also probably didn't help matters either. And neither did being with Bryce Larkin.

But the constant push and pull she did to him as she figured out her own feelings was taking such a huge toll on him. And the constant fear that once this was over, if it ever was over, she would leave. And probably without much of a goodbye.

Chuck sat up in bed abruptly hoping to clear his mind. He didn't want to think about Sarah either. He didn't want to think about anything. Looking down at his watch it was only six thirty, and he knew his sister would be home soon sending another wave of exhaustion over him. He was feeling overwhelmed. Ellie would surely hover over him; force feed him then guilt him into sitting in front of the TV for a movie or something. Something he didn't want to deal with. He hated that as a doctor his sister was always over worked but she had taken in the last week to actually being home on time.

The thought struck him. He didn't want to deal with it. He didn't want to deal with anything. He didn't want. He couldn't think of anything to want. He was restless, and tired, and nothing held his attention.

Except Natalie.

He hadn't stopped thinking of her, he couldn't. She was unlike any one he'd met but at the same time he recognized himself in her. She was polar opposite to Sarah. Not just in looks but in everything else it seemed.

"Stop that." He scolded himself. He told himself on the way back from the install that he would not ever compare Sarah and Natalie. Or Sarah with anyone, because there was no one like Sarah in the world.

He glanced at his watch again, noting the date. Deciding he had nothing to lose Chuck decided he would go to the Wet Noodle. The name sounded intriguing and he could use a drink to calm his nerves and maybe his mind. And if Natalie was there, that would just be a perk.

Chuck got up and walked to his closet opening it up to look at his clothes. His wardrobe had improved even greater since Sarah came into his life. While his sister always made sure he didn't look like every other geek in the world she allowed him his own style. Sarah was the same but she was more upscale about it.

Over the course of the past few years as she came over for double dates and what not that was required for their cover she would bring him over some sort of clothing. At first they were horrendous and preppy. Something that Awesome would wear but he figured his sister had talked to her or she figured it out on her own and started bringing things over that he would consider wearing.

Since then his closet had grown exponentially more crowded.

He picked out a grey T-shirt and a black button up shirt over it followed by a pair of black jeans and his traditional Chucks. Looking in the mirror for the first time in a while he actually felt good. He felt he looked good and he wasn't nervous about going out, causing him to believe that this was exactly what he needed.

He grabbed his keys from the table and left a small note for his sister saying he was going out. He debated if he should say where but based off her current concern he didn't want her showing up and causing a scene if Natalie was there. Ellie adored Sarah and thought she was the perfect girl for Chuck. He agreed.

"And where do you think you're going Moron?" Casey stopped him at the fountain as he was passing. Chuck gave a deep sigh debating what to tell him, settling on the truth.

"Out." He said simply to which Casey gave him a sarcastic grunt.

"No none pre-approved activities allowed Bartowski. You know that." He told him sternly. Anger began rising in Chuck again at his words.

"I'm not a fucking child Casey I wish you two would stop treating me like one" He barked out. Casey gave a small look of surprise till his own anger rose up.

"Stop acting like a child we won't treat you like one." He replied. Chuck gave him an incredulous look.

"How am I acting like a child? I'm going out, on a Friday night. I'm an adult. I don't need permission from you, you're not my parent." He spat.

"That's because your parents left so they didn't have to deal with you anymore." Casey yelled.

Chuck froze, his mind going blank as the air left his lungs. He always knew Casey was an angry guy, tough love kind of man and he always respected and even liked him for it. But he never thought Casey could be so cruel. He held his breath in trying to calm the tingle from his nerves that ran over him to see what Casey would say next, afraid of what low blow he would deliver. He was sure there was plenty in that file they had complied of him after he received the Intersect.

They were both silent for several minutes before Chuck finally released his breath. He could tell that Casey knew he had crossed a line but he couldn't tell if he was sorry about it. The silence between the two stretched on for a long while, before Chuck finally took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them he glared at Casey, putting all his fury into it.

"There are some things you don't say to a person Casey, because it hurts, a lot. This is one of them." He said delicately. With that he walked passed Casey intent on leaving. Casey reached out and grabbed his upper arm for a moment but one deadly glare and a clenched jaw from Chuck caused him to let go.

"Just stay in contact. Leave your phone and watch on." He warned before letting go.

With one final look Chuck turned and walked out of the courtyard without looking back. He walked down the street angrily, trying to calm his nerves. He should have known that Casey would find one of the sorest parts of him and poke it in the worst way. It wasn't the first time he thought about his parents leaving because of him but he had to admit that it was the first time somebody else had said it out loud. It caused him to think further on it.

He shook his head. No, he would not think about that tonight. He wouldn't think about anything. He was going to the Wet Noodle to have a drink, or ten in order to stop his mind from racing, from thinking. Hopefully from flashing.

Chuck shuddered at that. The flashes caused him tremendous migraines and made him dizzy and sick. He could only imagine how ill he would be having one if he was drunk or hung-over.

He walked down the street looking up at the businesses he passed, attempting to not make eye contact with anyone. Typically he was the one guy you would walk by on the street and smile to a stranger, even say a 'hey' to them, but tonight he just wanted to get to his destination.

Twenty minutes later he finally did. He stared up at the sign above the club. It did look like a wet noodle spelling out the name of the club. There was a small line outside it with a large man checking ID's and taking money.

Chuck got into line, and looked up and down at the people in front of him. He was relieved he had changed his clothes and that this appeared to be one of the more normal clubs. He didn't think he would be underdressed, not thinking about it until he had already arrived but seemed his outfit was fine to fit in.

Eventually it was his turn and he showed his ID and paid his twenty bucks and then entered the club. It was dark inside, lit only by some lights on the dance floor and up at where the DJ stood listening on his oversized head phones. The club smelled like smoke and a mixture of perfumes and body odor. It seemed to be a hip place to be with people dancing like crazy on the floor.

Chuck walked up to the bar and sat in the only empty space on the far side. He waited patiently for the bar tender to take his order for a beer before sitting there nursing it while watching those around him. The music was loud and shot through his body, shaking his insides making him slightly nauseated, making him wish he had eaten something before.

He didn't know how long he sat there alone, observing people, feeling as if he were an outsider observing in. Watching everyone else have fun. He wanted nothing more than to join them, to dance, to smile, to enjoy the music. But the energy required was something he couldn't muster up.

"I knew you'd be here." A voice said next to his ear, the warm air of her breath caused shivers down his spine. He looked over and saw Natalie standing next to him.

"Well I had nothing else to do." He shouted back at her. She smiled wide and he couldn't help but return it. She grabbed his drink in front of him and took a long chug of it finishing it off and placed it down on the table. Chuck watched enamored as her throat swallowed the bitter liquid and as her tongue darted out to lick her lips.

Natalie motion for the bartender who laid down several glasses and a bottle of tequila on a tray. She handed him a wad of Cash and looked at Chuck expectantly and walked away. It took him a second to realize she wanted him to follow her, so picking up the tray he followed best he could skirting around the dance floor and avoiding drunken bodies as she lead him to a booth in a dark corner.

She sat in the booth first scooting all the way around to the middle motioning for him to join her. He placed the tray down and scooted in as well, leaving several inches between them. He noticed Natalie roll her eyes amused and smile and close the space between them, practically sitting on him.

"I uh…do have a girlfriend." He stumbled out louder then he intended. He'd been so busy following and watching her that he didn't notice it was quieter in the corner they were in, sitting in the opposite direction of the DJ.

"Yeah, you said that before, but I don't see her here." She pointed out. She began pouring shots of Tequila into the glasses on the tray and Chuck watched as the liquid filled them.

"She was busy." He lied, not really wanting to get into talking about Sarah. She gave him a look that meant she knew he didn't tell her where he was going.

She took the salt that was on the table and licked her hand slowly as he watched her and poured the salt on her hand. She slowly licked the salt off her hand before picking up one of the glasses and drank it down in one gulp tossing her head back. She slammed the glass down on the table and immediately picked up the lime that sat in a bowl and sucked on it.

Chuck couldn't take his eyes off her. The whole process, every gulp, every lick, every facial expression fascinated beyond anything that was perceived as normal. And she swallowed it all up and put on the show. Once she was done and shook her head she looked at him expectantly but he did not move. She gave him another amused smile.

"What? You never do tequila shots before?" She asked him, still holding the shot. He shook his head no.

"I have, in college. They had a contest as part of the pledging." He said, eyes glazed a second as he remembered that time for a second. It was not his proudest moment even though he outlasted everyone, including Bryce. He had been so sick and hung over for days, missing classes, but he had made it in to the fraternity.

Chuck reached out for the salt but she held it away from him and he looked at her confused for a second. She made another show of licking her hand and pouring salt on it before holding it out to him. He looked at her dazed for a second before bringing his lips to the salt. Sticking his tongue out he licked it off her skin, tasting the salt and her skin below it. Sitting up straight he gulped down the shot of tequila feeling it burn down his throat before slamming the glass down as Natalie had done moments before.

He reached over for the lime to be stopped by her as she picked it up in her tiny fingers. He watched entranced as she held the lime to his lips and he bit into it, feeling the sourness of the juices slide down his throat after the alcohol. She dropped the lime from her fingers but continued to probe his mouth and he let her, sucking in each finger to drink the juice that was left on them.

When she finally lowered her hand from him he stared into her eyes, confusion and lust coursing through him. It puzzled him beyond reason. He didn't even know this girl but yet he felt drawn and out of control. His body and mind felt alive for the first time in a long time.

"What is it you want from me?" He finally asked, his voice husky as he stared down at her. He couldn't help notice the change in her now he was really looking at her. Natalie had cleaned up, and cleaned up well. She wore stylish clothes, her hair was up and braded. She had make up on and was presentable. It was an amazing transformation.

"I don't know yet Chuck, what do you want from me?" She countered. He thought for a moment. He wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure he wanted anything from her except to know her and be near her. He watched as Natalie repeated the routine of taking another shot and then repeated it for him. This time he didn't hesitate to do it. This time he took her slender wrist in his hand and kissed her palm, using his tongue to memorize the ridges and lines of it.

They sat there for what felt like eternity taking turns licking salt and drinking tequila. Chuck could feel the effects hitting him. The world felt askew and he was beginning to feel dizzy and warm. He wanted to leave the club and get some fresh air but he didn't want to leave Natalie. He wanted to stay with her.

For the first time in a long time all thoughts of the Intersect, of the Buy More, of assassins and terrorists, of Sarah fled his mind. All that was there was Natalie, and her scent, her taste, and the feeling of her close.

"Let's dance." She said once the tequila had almost run out. Chuck wasn't sure if he could stand let alone dance, but Natalie was nothing if not persuasive. Instead of scooting the other side of the table she crawled under table. Being as disoriented and drunk as he was Chuck hardly noticed until he felt a hand on his crotch kneading him. He felt aroused and jumped up shocked.

Natalie crawled out from under the table with a wicked grin on her face. She laughed as she bumped her head and fell a little before finally catching herself. Chuck didn't laugh though, he couldn't. She had awaken something in him and he was lost.

Finally she was able to stand up and she held her hand out to him and he scooted out of the booth and stood at his full height in front of her surprisingly not feeling as drunk as he should. She looked up at him, eyes fluttering drunkenly at him smiling.

"I felt something that I think I will like." She said to him placing a kiss on his chest. "But first, we dance." With that she turned around with her hand tightly entwined with his and led him out on the dance floor.

They stopped in the middle of it and for a second Chuck felt absolutely sick. The beat and the loud music echoed in his drunken head and the scent of the people around him made him dizzy and nauseated. Bodies moving around him pushed and pulled him and he was disoriented and frightened. Until she stepped in front of him.

He looked down at her as she stared into his eyes and suddenly everything came into focus. The music didn't echo and the bodies didn't sway him. All he could see was here and all she could feel was the beat.

Natalie slowly began to sway in front of him, closing her eyes and feeling the music course through her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, rubbing up against his body causing him to move with her. And then he was completely gone.

All he knew was the beat and the feel of her as she danced with him, swayed with him. He was so focused on her, the way her body moved as if one with the music. He'd never been so aroused in his life and he never wanted it to end. He wanted to hold her closer and just dance the night away. Everything was perfect. Everything made sense.

Nothing was wrong.

A/N. Don't worry this is a Charah story...eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to those who have reviewed. I really enjoy reading them. Though I feel bad because I may end up disappointing some of you. Its a fast paced story.

Also on the subject matter. I know its kinda dark and angsty. (a tad melodramatic). I'm writing it because i'm currently switching my anti depressants and I'm feel anxious, and exhausted, and to be honest kinda suicidal. And it doesnt help that i have a 60hour week this week because of Breeders Cup. So i figure it's healthier to push this crap on fictional Chuck then on myself. So thank you for reading and enjoying it. ON To The Story.

Chapter 3

The sun shone brightly down upon their bodies as they lay on the beach. The sand was warm beneath them and felt so good on Chuck's skin. It counteracted the coldness he frequently felt inside.

"I don't ever want to leave here." Chuck said quietly, eyes closed to the sun shining in his eyes. He felt a body shift next to him and curl around him. The feel of another's skin and the soft hair against his felt beyond wonderful.

"But we have to Chuck. You have things to do." Sarah said placing a soft kiss on his shoulder. Chuck smiled.

"Things can wait. This cannot." He said as he quickly rolled over and pushes her on her back. She giggled at the roughness as he held her arms to her side and he laid flat along her body. She stopped laughing slowly and then looked up into his eyes and Chuck couldn't help but compare them to the ocean they were currently lying next to.

"You have to wake up." She said softly as he lowered himself to her to place a kiss on her lips, but he stopped midway.

"What?" he asked confused. The coldness within him that had left him moments before came crashing back to him. The air started to feel heavy and the air cooled considerably. He looked up at the sky to see dark grey clouds everywhere covering the sun.

Chuck rolled off Sarah looking into the horizon that had only moments before been perfect and serene, but was now stormy and violent. He looked down to Sarah and jumped slightly to see Natalie. She lay perfectly still as he pushed away, the look in her eyes dead.

"It's never going to get better is it Chuck? Everything just hurts and dies." She said sadly sitting up slowly. He stared over her body seeing all the scars and marks, burns and disfigurements.

"Things have to get better someday don't they?" He asked her saddened at the sight. She was still beautiful to him but he couldn't help but think how much more so she would be if she had less scars.

"No, they only end."

Chucks breath hitched and his breathing came out ragged as his mind jumped to consciousness. He took a few moments reeling from the dream to feel out where he was. He was on something soft, a pillow and bed and was covered with a blanket thought he still felt cold. He could smell smoke around him as well as a slight scent of oranges.

"Sarah" he said to his self.

Then the pain started to come. Starting with his head. He felt sick and dizzy and afraid to move. The pain the coursed down his spine to his back and up his arms leaving a cold trail as his body woke up from its deep sleep.

"I know you're awake Chuck. It'll be easier on you if you move a little bit." Sarah's voice rang out softly from next to him on the bed. Chuck cracked his eyes open and moved his head slightly to look at her.

Sarah sat leaned against the back of the bed next to him under the blankets and a remote in her hand. He held his breath for a second and sure enough he could hear the voices of some show being played on the TV.

"What time is it." He slurred out closing his eyes once more. He heard her click the TV off and shift on the bed to look at the clock behind him.

"It's just after three." She told him. They sat quietly for a few minutes. "If you sit up a bit you can drink some water and aspirin. I promise it will make you feel better." She coaxed.

Chuck felt the cool plastic of the bottle touch his forehead and he let out a soft sigh at the good feeling. His body normally feeling cold lately felt hot and overheated. He surmised it's most likely from all the alcohol he consumed last night.

It took him a few more minutes and a few failed tries before he was able to pull himself up against the backrest of his bed and take the bottle of water and pills from Sarah. He greedily drank the bottle, feeling it as it ran down his throat and hit his stomach and began its job of rehydrating him.

"How did I get here?" he finally asked setting the bottle down and slumping back to the pillows. He heard Sarah take a deep breath considering her words.

"Well, when you didn't answer any calls Casey went after you." She said. Chuck groaned and closed his eyes.

"I was just dancing and having a few drinks I swear. " He said defensively a few minutes later. Sarah didn't say anything and he opened his eyes to look at her.

"What's wrong?" He asked her as she looked away from him dread coursing through him. He knew Casey must have told her about Natalie.

"Sarah, I swear, it was…" He didn't know what to say. He knew it wasn't innocent. He had rubbed himself against Natalie sexually throughout the whole night, drinking alcohol from her glass, sucking juices from limes from her fingers all in public. No it was anything but innocent.

Sarah looked at him finally and he could see some moisture in her eyes but he could also tell she was holding back tears. She was a professional and he knew she wouldn't cry but she was still a human and couldn't hide that she was upset entirely, at least not from him.

"It was, it was nothing Sarah." He finished lamely. She glared at him for a second before she took a deep breath and her features softened.

"Chuck, it wasn't nothing. Why would you do that, why would you hurt yourself?" She asked sadly. His breath hitched as he thought back to his night. Most of it was just a blur at this point but he didn't know what she was talking about, and Sarah clearly saw it on his face.

She reached over to him and pulled his sleeve up showing his arm. Suddenly the pain he had felt in his arms intensified as he saw the ugly burn marks that littered his skin. His breath began to get ragged as his mind whirled to recover the memories of what happened.

"Casey found you in a park nearby with a girl. You two were completely drunk and smoking cigarettes and putting them out on your arms." Sarah said weakly.

Chuck had no recollection of this. Questions brimmed through his mind.

"Is she ok?" He asked dazed, missing Sarah's incredulous look.

"She's fine Chuck, Casey put you in the car then followed her home, or to where he thought was her home." She answered. Chuck nodded in acknowledgement.

They were silent again for several minutes. Chuck lost in his own mind and Sarah watching him alarmed. The quiet stretched on.

"What is going on Chuck." Sarah finally asked softly. He looked at her knowing exactly what she was talking about but refusing to acknowledge it and remained silent.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, daring the other to break eye contact. Finally Chuck gave him, feeling tired once more. The emotions he'd felt the night before leaving him drained and empty once more.

"Chuck." Sarah pressed him. He just closed his eyes and shook his head, his hair slapping his face as he did so. "I need to know Chuck. You've been-" she stopped and bit her lower lip to stop herself. Chuck finally looked at her.

"I've been what?" He asked in a daring way. Daring her to say it, to point it out, to acknowledge that something's wrong.

"Is everything ok Chuck?" She said simply after a while. Chuck sighed and held back the tears that threatened to fall at her failing to say it. He simply laid down on the bed more and snuggled under the blankets.

He didn't say anything more, there was nothing to say. Everything was wrong and he needed help. She was part of the cause. But she had taken the easy way out. He let his mind float free to think of anything and nothing whatever it decided, and eventually he fell asleep again.

It was pouring down rain on him but Chuck didn't notice. It had taken longer than he wanted to get to that spot at the picnic table in the park. He had asked Casey where he had found him but he refused to say, just grunting out a warning to stay away from the girl. But as always Chuck didn't listen and used his ingenuity to figure out the closest park to the club where two drunk people could possibly go.

It was easy to figure out what area they went to as well as they burnt their names, or best they could into the wood of one of the tables.

Chuck sat there in the rain staring at nothing in particular mind running a million miles an hour on no thoughts in particular. He wasn't sure exactly why he came here. There was no reason to but for some reason he felt drawn to it.

He knew he wasn't alone. He could feel the eyes of Casey on him from his vehicle someplace nearby. He was just glad it wasn't Sarah. He didn't want her to feel like he was pining away for another girl, even though that was exactly what he was doing.

"Stop" he said allowed to himself.

"Stop what?" A voice said coming up behind him. He startled for a second before Natalie came around the table he sat on and stood in front of him. He watched her as she stood in the rain in jeans and a long sleeved shirt like him, not a coat insight.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her above the sound of the rain. She smiled at him and came closer, fitting herself in between his legs and she leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips. He opened his mouth hungrily accepting her as he deepened it.

Eventually the kiss ended and she pulled back and rested her arms on his legs around her and just looked up into his eyes.

"You have really long legs." She commented placing a single kiss on his lips again before backing away from the table. He wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't sure how to act. He wasn't sure about anything, this mysterious girl who kept fluttering in and out of his life this week.

"What are you doing to me?" He asked her curiously. She laughed at him and outstretched her arms in the rain and began to twirl like a sprinkler or helicopter. He watched her entranced once again and for a second wondered what Casey must think of this strange girl who mysteriously showed up in his assets life.

Eventually she stopped and her arms dropped tiredly. She glanced around a second before he made eye contact with her once again. She slunk near him seductively once again coming close to him.

"What are you doing to me?" He asked her again once she was directly in front of him. He raised his cold hand to the side of her face and tucked a loose strand of hair away, not that it mattered much in the rain.

"You accuse me of doing something when it is perhaps what you are doing to me." She said cryptically. She took his arm that was still raised near her and pulled down the sleeve showing the burn marks from the night before. They stung angrily as the rain pelted down upon them but they numbed soon enough. "It looks as though we had some fun last night. I knew you'd be here." She told him.

"I don't even remember what we did. All I have is the evidence of it, not the memory." He told her. His mind raced with thoughts. It was like playing mental chess when talking to this girl and he wasn't sure who was winning.

Every question every answer was never asked or answered in a logical sense. Everything was cryptic and open to interpretation, something he had grown tired of the past few years but for some reason made this girl more irresistible.

"Have you ever danced in the rain? Played in puddles?" She asked him changing the subject. He gave a long sigh.

"Not since I was a child. Ellie and I used to play in the rain in the back yard. It hardly rains in southern California." He told her.

With that she grabbed both his hands in hers and pulled him off the table. He followed eagerly, wondering what will happen next. Once they were several feet from the table Natalie let go of his hands and wrapped her around his neck tightly bringing his head down to kiss her again. He let her control it and she began to sway against him.

She then let go of him completely and ran away laughing, leaving him staring after her dazed for a second before shaking his own head back to reality and he chased after her.

They ran all over the park, jumping on tables, climbing on the equipment there. They chased each other and laughed like children again all the while the rain continued to poor down on upon them.

Chuck felt light. It was the lightest he's felt in a very long time and he never wanted it to end. He wanted to continue to be able to laugh and run in the rain and not worry about the bad things in the world that threaten the ones he loved.

Eventually he finally caught her and they fell to the ground. Natalie gave out a grown and a squeal at being stuck in the mud but she made no move to get out from under him so Chuck remained on top, pressing his weight into her until she stopped squirming.

"Give up?" He asked her breathing hard from the run. She gave her wicked smile again and leaned up to him kissing him again. It went on longer this time and he felt her move below him causing him to become aroused once more. He wrapped his arms around her on the ground bringing her in tighter to him, not wanting to let go.

"I want you." She moaned at him pressing her body closer, and he wanted her too.

Reluctantly Chuck let go of her and began to get up. They were in a public park and what he wanted to do to her was something he didn't think he could even get the government to drop charges on.

"I kinda have a girlfriend." He said lamely as she stood up next to him. She nodded her understanding and brushed her palm against his cheek.

"Come home with me. Dry off." She said simply, inviting him. He knew he should have said no and left but everything in him was drawn to this girl.

So he followed her home.

"Tell me about yourself." Chuck asked her as they sat on her bed. They had come over to her apartment to which she quickly stripped him of his clothing and lead him into her bed room. It was intense and it was fast and now they sat on the bed facing each other talking.

The bedroom was like the rest of the place. Shut in, dark, cramped, smelled like cigarettes. Even right now she was laying on top of the covers still nude smoking. He thought she looked beautiful as he took in all the scars and burn marks. Different yet the same from his dream that morning.

"Not much to tell." She said letting out the smoke. He watched her a few moments before she finally sighed and put out the cigarette. "I was born, I grew up, I do naughty things with very tall hot men and soon I will die and be free of it all." She said simply. Chuck didn't buy it.

"There has to be a story behind you. You can't just be what you are." He insisted. She laughed for a second before laying her head on his long leg and ran her hand up and down the hair on it.

"My story is boring and tragic." She said simply sounding sad. "Tell me yours." Chuck sighed in frustration.

"Mine, typical story. Abandonment depression, I'm a nerd. Backstabbed by best friend and girlfriend in college. So much. I'm just an underachiever. My story, is more selfishness then anything." He told her staring at her breast and noticing the huge scar running across them.

"It's from high school." She said suddenly, breaking him out of his own reverie.

"What?" He asked her.

"The scar, on my boobs. They're from high school. I slept with a group of guy and then tried to kill myself. I slashed through my arms and stomach and breasts. There was so much blood but I loved it. The pain it caused was so intense. " She closed her eyes a smile appearing on her face as if it were a pleasant memory.

Chuck was horrified at it. Both the story and her smile. Misery and self-harm had always been a part of him but he never enjoyed it. He needed it, and he would sometimes smile or laugh as the release of what was building up inside of him was finally released but once the high went away he always felt immediately guilty, causing more distress upon him.

"Have you ever tried to kill yourself Chuck?" She asked him. He looked down to see her staring up at him happily satiated and relaxed. He thought for a second, debating if he should tell her. But as always he was drawn to her and couldn't do anything but tell the truth.

"Twice" He told her. She implored with her eyes for him to tell her so he did. "First time, was just after my father left us. I was upset. Everything was just, wrong. And my sister was under a lot of stress too just starting college. " He paused taking a deep breath, seeing her raptly listening to his story. "I didn't mean to originally. I had already started…hurting myself many years before. But that one night I just had to release everything but it wasn't working, so I kept at it, and somehow I hit a vein or something and I was bleeding out. "

"You meant to do it Chuck, don't lie to me." She told him. "You can lie to everyone else including yourself but don't lie to me."

"I swear I didn't, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to go with it. There was just so much blood and I was feeling weaker. I couldn't do anything anymore, I was just so tired so I just laid down on my bed and bled out. I woke up in the hospital. My best friend Morgan had come over and came in the window and called 911 once he saw me."

"I'm sorry. " She said reaching up to stroke his cheek again. He let her closing her eyes at the sensation. He wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for, but he had a feeling it was that his friend stopped him. "When was the second time?"

"Three years ago. Everything had just seemed to pile up and come crashing down on me and I couldn't handle it anymore. So I slit my wrists. My sister's boyfriend Devon however came home and found me. I promised my sister I'd never do it again." Natalie laughed. "What's so funny?" He asked her

"Your promise. You shouldn't make promises you aren't prepared to keep Chuck. It's not fair to the others." She chided him. Chuck was baffled at this.

"I intend on keeping it though. I won't leave my sister, not by my own hands." He said vehemently. Natalie rolled over and got up on her knees and crawled to him sitting in his naked lap. She wrapped her arm tightly around him.

"You say that now Chuck but I can see you. The real you. You're in pain, and you're miserable. Your body is full of scars but last night you caused yourself harm." She said. Chuck wasn't quite sure he liked what he was hearing from her but her tone and her touch was so seductive.

Natalie moved to straddle his hips and kissed him passionately.

"Someday soon you will give in. Everyone does." She whispered into his ear before bighting it. Chuck shuddered as he felt her kiss and nip her way down to his neck before he gave in and lifted her, laying her back down on the bed.

Chuck coughed a few times as his lungs burned from the smoke permeating the room and rolled over in a sleepy haze. He felt the opposite side of the bed to reach out for Natalie but found the bed empty and cold. He sat up sleepily to see her empty spot.

Looking around curiously he took note of the only light coming from the sliver from beneath the bathroom door. He smiled remember the nights activities and listened as the rain pelted down on the covered window.

"You alright?" Chuck called to Natalie through the door. He paused and held his breath for a moment but got no response. Curiously he got up out of bed and put his boxers back on before walking to the bathroom door. He knocked gently on it getting no response. "Natalie?" he asked again, pitch slightly higher.

Chucks heart raced as something nagged at him that something was wrong. So he placed his hand on the door knob and gently pushed the door opened.

His heart stopped as he looked at the floor. There laying on the floor eyes open and sad was Natalie. Blood surrounded her as it seeped out of the cuts on her wrists and arms.

Chuck couldn't think. His mind had blank as he entered that bathroom and slid down the wall staring at her lifeless form. Glancing up to the mirror were two words.

Join Me.

A/N: So because of my busy week and my 3 day weekend afterwords next schedualed update will be Thursday the 6th. BUT if i'm able to based on busyness of course i will post sooner.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N. Thanks for all the support guys. I'm sorry to have frightend anyone. I assure you I'm perfectly fine just out of sorts ya know. Meds. heh.

Because I was bored and work was slow.

Chapter 4.

"Chuck are you alright?" Sarah's voice broke through the fog. He recognized it easily, always, but didn't respond. His mind and thoughts were still on the scene in the bathroom. Of Natalie, lying naked upon her bathroom floor, covered in her own blood. Body pale and white causing the scars over her body to become more pronounced. Showing her pain in a visible light for all to see.

He reached his hand up to his hair running his fingers through it once before grasping the strands as tight as possible and tugging hard. He wanted to cause himself pain. If he was in some other pain he could focus on that instead of the pain and guilt that was building up inside of him over Natalie. But he couldn't do that, not yet anyways and he was mostly grateful for his current situation if for only that right now.

He sat in the passenger's seat with the door opened of Casey's crown Victoria. He'd been there for an indeterminate amount of time but he figured from the sun rising that it's been awhile. He didn't remember how exactly he came to be in Casey's car, he was just grateful that he was and not still in that bathroom with her body and those words.

Join Me.

Chuck let out a shuttering breath. She wanted him to join her. Join her where? In death? The thought both scared and intrigued him. But he held steadfast to his promise to not leave his sister.

'Is that the only reason I stay?' He asked himself.

He felt more then saw Sarah kneel down beside him between the car and the open door. He could smell her natural scent that always seemed orangey and perfect. It was refreshing and awoke his senses bringing him further to the present and his surrounding despite his internal protest to stay where he was and let himself go numb.

"Chuck." She whispered softly causing bumps on his flesh. But he turned his head away from her. He didn't feel ready to deal with his feelings and emotions for her. He was overwhelmed with what had happened and what he did and didn't do. He didn't think he could handle anything else right now.

"What happened Casey?" He heard her say as she stood up straight. He heard Casey grunt, obviously coming closer to them to minimize others overhearing.

"The nerds' girlfriend offed herself-"

"CASEY!"

"And he was there the whole time." Casey told her ignoring her protest. Chuck knew he was angry but at what he wasn't quite sure. Probably that he has to clean up another mess that Chuck had made.

"How did you get involved here?" She asked him as she surveyed the area. There were neighbors everywhere as well as an ambulance and fire truck. Police cars blocked off the complex and Chuck was surprised they even let Casey take him away being as he was the only one there.

"Bartowski called me." Casey said. That was news to Chuck. Then again, he really didn't remember much.

"Why would he call you and not me? Or even the police." Sarah asked slightly hurt and alarmed. Chuck wanted to know the answer to that too.

"I don't think he was thinking straight. He just picked up his phone and called the first number in the contacts which is me." Casey replied obviously not amused.

They both went silent as they watched what was happening around them. A gurney came out of an apartment, and came down the stairs to the ambulance waiting. There was no urgency in their actions, everyone going at their own pace. There was nothing that could be done. Natalie was beyond being saved now.

Chuck felt Sarah's eyes on him as he closed his tightly not wanting to see around him. Not wanting the final vision of anything involving Natalie to be of emergency vehicles and curious nosy neighbors.

"I talked to the cops, they'll need a statement from him later but it looks like a classic suicide so no charges are going to be brought up."

Chuck didn't want to hear anymore. He raised his hands to his head covering his ears and brought his legs up as tight as possible burying his face. He wanted to run and hide and stop existing at least for a little while.

He blocked out the rest of their conversation, focusing on the blackness behind his eyelids and the rushing of blood through his covered ears. He didn't think about anything just kept it blank until he felt soft fingers run through this hair.

Jolted out of his own reverie Chuck turned enough to look towards his right and saw Sarah crouched there beside him again. He couldn't help but notice the worried expression on her face that she tried to hide as the wind blew her hair about. She didn't have her normal make up on, looking like she just put something on to look presentable.

She couldn't look more beautiful in his eyes.

Chuck scrunched his face in pain at that thought, hating himself for it and the timing. Feeling guilty about noticing another's beauty just hours after fucking a practical stranger. Because that's what she was. He couldn't deny it. He had known her for less than a week, had done very intimate things with her including drinking, self-harm, public indecency and plain old sex but he knew practically nothing about her but her name and that she has…had major issues.

Guilt filled him and he covered his face once again and tugged hard on his hair. 'Don't think don't think' He changed to himself. It was too fresh to focus on.

"Come on Chuck you're coming with me." Sarah's voice said softly in his ear after prying his fingers slightly loose. He sat there for a few more seconds as the words reverberated around his head. It took him a moment for the words to hit the right area for him to understand.

"Where are we going?" He said into his knee, not ready to move. Sarah continued to string her hand through his hair massaging the back of his neck. It felt wonderful and it made him sick to feel it.

"We're going to my place for a bit. You need some sleep. We need to talk and report this to Beckman." She said gently.

Another wave of exhaustion hit him. Beckman. He had forgotten all about her. About being an asset of the government. Of being the Intersect. He couldn't remember the last time he thought of the computer in his head and it baffled him for a moment that he could even forget for a second.

A few minutes later he finally uncurled himself from his position in Casey's car. He knew he'd have hell to pay later for putting his feet on the seat of Casey's car but he'd have to deal with that later.

For the first time in hours he stood at his full height. It took him a moment to get his barring, leaning heavily on the car. Being tall while had its advantages did have its disadvantages too. One which was disorientation meant further to fall, but once he got his barring he grasped Sarah's outstretched hand tightly and let her lead him over to her Porsche that was parked on the other side of the police barricade.

The ride to Sarah's hotel was completely silent aside from the noises from the vehicle and the surrounding traffic. Chuck could sense that Sarah was biting her lower lip to stop from saying anything. She obviously wanted to talk about what was going on, which was odd to begin with. But then again his behavior in the past 24 hours hasn't been normal and couldn't be ignored. Even he recognized that.

They arrived at her hotel in no time, Sarah taking her usual liberties and breaking the sound barrier to get to her destination as quickly as possible. Chuck had gotten out of the car slowly, dreading actually getting in her room, wondering if that was when she would finally break her silence. He prayed the elevator would continue on forever never to reach its destination, and he begged any deity that was listening to make the hallway endless to the door of her room.

Alas, each was ignored and denied, not that he actually expected anything else.

Once inside the room, Chuck walked in and slowly headed towards the window on the opposite side of the room while Sarah carefully closed the door. He stared down at the traffic below, watching as people moved to and from their destination and wondered what each of them had been thinking as they went around the city doing their errands.

"You should sleep." Sarah's soft voice floated to him from beside the bed. He hesitated a moment before turning and looking at her, eying her warily before staring at the bed. At her bed. It looked warm and comfortable with its fluffy pillows arranged half hazard and the blankets unmade. Guilt rippled through him knowing that a call from Casey about what had happened had woken her from her sleep causing her alarm to come down right away to the crime scene. He wondered for a moment what she had been dreaming about before the call came.

"I can't. Not, yet. I need to shower." He told her not looking her in the eye.

"You can after you sleep Chuck. You look exhausted, I doubt you'll stay awake long enough to bathe." She reasoned and he shook his head.

"I smell like smoke and-"he couldn't say it, not to her. The woman he was in love with. He smelled like cigarettes and sex. He turned away back to the window and looked out on the horizon. He heard Sarah move the blankets around, obviously getting ready to force him into bed regardless.

He startled a few minutes later as she came up to him and ran her hand down his arm. It felt good and warm on his chilled skin. He finally turned his head to look at her, and he frowned at the sadness in her eyes.

"It's ok Chuck. It can be cleaned. They're just bedding." She told him assuring. He nodded his understanding at her statement, the hidden message she tried to convey in her eyes and a small weight was lifted from him.

He walked over to the bed, kicked on his shoes and climbed onto it. Immediately he sank into its warm soft comfort that seemed to cradle him as he laid upon it. He felt Sarah lift the blankets from the end of the bed and place them over him and tucking the ends in tightly around him. Chuck took a deep breath inhaling her scent; a soft smile crept on his face. He didn't think he had a right to have it but it was there and he wasn't going to let it go.

Sarah flittered around the room, closing blinds and turning off whatever lights she had left on as she rushed out the door this morning. Chuck laid there in bed surrounded by the warmth of the blankets listening as she did her task.

"Sarah." He said quietly. It took a moment for her to respond.

"You should sleep Chuck." She said simply as she turned off the last light. She climbed into bed and leaned against the headboard as if keeping watch over him, which he supposed she was doing.

"I'm sorry." He said simply, for lack of anything else to say. She shushed him softly and placed her hand back on his head and gently ran her fingers through his hair again soothingly.

Soon he was asleep.

Chuck woke hours later to the room being pitch black. He rolled over on his side and reached over to the other side of the bed before he paused half way and the memories of the last time he did that came flash back. Everything that happened entered his mind and replayed as his entire body tingled back to the world of the waking.

Finally he was able to open his eyes and he looked over to where his hand was reaching for to see the spot empty. It took him another few moments to determine where he was as he stared at the space that Sarah had been in last.

He sat up in the bed, a chill running over him as the blanket fell from his body and he looked around. The room was dark and there didn't appear to be anyone in the room. For a second his heart stopped as he looked towards the bathroom, waiting to see a sliver of light from under the door, but to his relief the door was wide opened and the lights were off.

Covering his face with his hands he curled up once more taking a few deep breaths before once again looking around the room. He saw a pile of clothes at the end of the bed, neatly folded and stacked with a note on top of it.

Reaching over to the bedside table he turned on the lamp and glanced at the clock. It was past six in the evening. He was surprised he had slept so long. Getting out of bed he wrapped his arms around his lanky body as he walked to the pile and picked up the note.

"Clean clothes for you. Be back soon with dinner. – Sarah." It simply said. He wondered how long she had been gone for a second before discarding the unimportance of it and picking up the clothes.

Walking into the bathroom he couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face. For a spy for the US Government who could disappear any second and leave no trace of ever being there, he was glad to see that Sarah at least made herself a little comfortable for the long run. The whole bathroom was littered with personal items of make-up and perfumes. Beauty products he had no idea what they were for and devices he can only presume are for torture.

He placed his clothing down on the top of the toilet and turned the water on as hot as possible. He stepped away to allow it to heat up as he took off his clothes. He looked in the mirror and noticed the dark bags under his eyes and how his normally tanned skin from living in southern California was now pasty white.

He watched himself as he unbuttoned his shirt and began to remove it, saw the fresh scratch marks from his night with Natalie that marred his flesh along with the scars of his own doing from his past. He looked down at his arms, the fresh burn marks from the night before last that he had placed there on his own with the help of the mysterious girl who flittered into his life and left just as quickly.

Chuck looked away then, to the floor to the walls anything but the mirror. He couldn't stand to look at himself. He felt dirty and disgusting. He stripped off the rest of his clothing and stepped into the spray of hot water, not bothering to temper it.

'The hotter the better.' He said to himself as the water burned his skin turning it red and irritating his flesh.

The only soap available was the body wash that Sarah used that gave her that beautiful citrus smell that he loved so much. He didn't want to use it but he had no choice. He felt it was disrespectful to wash off the scent of the girl he used with the girl he loved, but he wanted to be clean. He couldn't stand it any longer the feeling of smoke and grunge.

He scrubbed himself thoroughly, repeating several times until he finally felt clean enough to stop. Then he stood under the spray of the water until it turned tepid then ice cold and even then he didn't move. He didn't know how long he stayed there before he finally turned off the water and with shaking freezing fingers reached for the towel on the rack to dry off.

He paced the length of the room a few times, arms wrapped tightly around him once he had gotten dressed. All the lights in the place were turned on, casting away any dark shadows that may lurk and come for him. He was grateful that Sarah had chosen a long sleeved shirt for him, but regardless he was still freezing from his cold shower and his skin still hurt from being burned.

For lack of anything else to do Chuck finally stomped over to the bed and angrily began pulling the bedding from it and tossing it to the floor at the end. He violently removed the cases from the pillows and the sheets from the mattress.

"You don't have to do that." Sarah's voice said startling him. He visibly jumped dropping the pillow that was in his hand, so distracted by his task to not hear her come in.

She stood there by the door, a bag of food in one hand and her keys in the other. She was completely dressed and made up like her normal self, unlike what she looked like that morning. Chuck felt slightly disappointed, finding her more beautiful in her naturalness but regardless she was gorgeous.

"I have to." He said, picking the pillow back up from the bed. In his peripheral vision he saw Sarah place the food on a table by the door and walk toward him. She stepped around the bedding already on the floor and came up next to him and reached for the pillow. By then he had released it from the case and tossed it back on the bed before she can grab it.

"Chuck, it's ok, it will be taken care of." She assured him. He faced her seeing the sadness in her eyes.

"You shouldn't have to deal with it. It's my mess. I can handle it." With that he stepped around and walked to the window, sitting in a chair at the table there. He lifted one leg up to the edge and hugged it to him tightly.

"It's my just to handle things Chuck. Remember, I'm your handler." Sarah said in a light manner, hoping to elicit a smile from him.

Staring out the window he tried to ignore her, though it wasn't fair to her. It was his fault, everything but he wasn't sure how to deal with it. All he wanted to do was go home, curl in his bed for a few days and just mope. To think about it or not that would be up to him even though he knew Ellie would be worried and he wouldn't get much quiet moping time.

He ignored Sarah more as he heard a sigh and she sat down in the chair across from him. The only thing separating them was the table. Staring out the window he had to marvel at the view at night. It was beautiful the darkness littered with lights from the city. He looked down wishing he could see the people below better, wondering the difference between the day and the night activities.

"We need to talk Chuck." Sarah said watching him. He shook his head no. "Don't; no don't say no to me. Chuck we-"

"Stop, ok just stop. Ok." He shouted turning to look at her. He immediately felt guilty at her hurt look. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry." With that he turned back to the window. They sat in silence for several minutes before she tried again.

"We have to Chuck because something is seriously wrong and we can't pretend everything is fine anymore." She told him. Chuck snorted at that comment and finally looked at her.

"Is that what we've been doing? Pretending everything is fine? Everything is dandy. I've been doing my job haven't I? Flashing, following orders. What else is there?" He dully asked. He felt so tired again.

"You stayed in the car last time." She told him, as if that would explain everything. He was confused and it shown. "You never stay in the car. I told you and you stayed. "Chuck laughed at her.

"And that sends warning bells? Not the silence, or the weight loss, or lack of anything else. It's that I stayed in the car when you told me too." He stood up abruptly and walked away from the table, feeling her eyes on him.

"No Chuck it's been more than that. We've noticed, I've noticed. Please tell me." She begged him watching him go back and forth. He hugged his arms tighter around himself.

"What does it matter?"

"It matters a lot Chuck. You're not…you've been…" She couldn't finished or find the words.

"I've been emotional? Is that what you're trying to say? Well you should know that by now with that fucking file I'm sure you all complied on me when I got this thing. Your fucking intersect is emotionally unstable. Good going Bryce Larkin, sending the most important Government tool ever to the most emotionally unstable person he could find." He laughed with derision at that.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart and quail the anger that was building up within him he took a few more trips around the room.

"You're only worried that your precious machine will end up killing himself, but I made a promise to Ellie and I won't so you can rest assured." He told her not halting.

"That's not what they are worried about Chuck. And yes we knew about…your issues." Sarah told him causing him to laugh again.

"Issues? Is that what you people call it? Issues. That's nice. My pain is just an issue, to be solved by what way?" He asked her.

"That's not what I meant. I just meant that we are aware of your past, of what happened before." She said.

"Are you referring to my cutting problem or the attempted suicide? Either way I've made a promise I'll be around."

"You've said that Chuck, we are aware of your promise, but-"

"I'm not doing it to make sure you are aware I repeat it to make sure I keep it! To keep telling myself to keep it. To not give in to all the hatred and despair I feel towards myself and just fucking end it!" He shouted, stopping his pacing to star at her menacingly. But it only lasted a second as a wave of exhaustion once again hit him.

Chuck walked back over to the chair he had vacated and sat down heavily, placing his hand over his eyes. Out of all the conversations he'd love to have with Sarah this was not one of them. He sighed heavily and lowered his hand as a thought struck him.

"That's how they'd do it." He said to himself.

"Do what Chuck?" Sarah asked him confused. He sat silently for a second thinking it through.

"To get rid of me. They're going to make it look like a suicide." He looked at her but he didn't need a response. Her face told it all. "Is that why I'm not in a bunker? They were worried their toy would destroy itself. But if it got out of control they could easily take care of it."

Laughter bubbled up in his chest at the situation. Everything came crashing down. It didn't matter how hard he fought he would lose. Whether to himself or the assistance of the NSA. Once the laughter ended he looked over to Sarah's sad face and he immediately felt sorry for her. She was just a pawn just like him.

"I would never let it come to that Chuck." She said so earnestly he almost believed her. He gave her a sad smile.

"But regardless even if you save me, Ellie will still be hurt and my promise will be broken. " He told her sadly. They sat in silence lost in their own thoughts. The whole situation had gone from bad to worse in Chuck's mind. But there was one thing at least he could do.

"I'd like to go home now." He told her tiredly. She nodded.

"You need to eat first Chuck. I know you haven't had anything sin-"

"No really, I just want to go home. Ellies there. I promise I'll eat." He told her leaving no room for argument. To emphasize his point he stood up and gathered his dirty clothes. Not having any choice Sarah followed.

A/N Feel free to review. Next scheduled one is still the 6th. but of course if i have time...Which is possible cause the next chapter practically is written in my head just gotta get it on computer.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all who reviewed or sent me messages. i quite enjoy reading them and they seriously make me happy that the day flies by a bit faster.

Chapter 5.

They walked slowly into the courtyard of his apartment complex after the deathly silent car ride there. Sarah had attempted several times to start a conversation with him but Chuck answered with minimal responses or ignored her completely. He had so much on his mind. He felt slightly bad for what he was about to do but feeling he had no choice and was pushed into a corner it was the only way out that he could see.

"Are you alright Chuck?" She asked him as they reached his door. He stared at the doorknob, not wanting to meet her gaze as he answered.

"I'm fine Sarah. I just, I need to be alone for a bit." He told her, still not making eye contact.

"I'll be over at Casey's' if you need anything ok?" She informed him running a hand along his arm. It caused him to shiver.

"Why?" He asked her curiously. Sarah was quiet for a moment before she dropped her arm to her side, Chuck instantly missing her touch.

"We have to report to Beckman the status of all this. With local law enforcement involved and a death, we're having to pull some strings to keep you completely out. " She told him honestly. Chuck took a deep breath and held it in.

"What's going to happen?" He asked trying to quail the panic that suddenly flared up in his gut. Sarah eyed him curiously.

"What do you mean?" Chuck stood there, towering over her looking at the top of her head, jaw clenched. He didn't know exactly what he meant but he knew exactly what needed to be done. With that he just shook his head at her and turned towards the door and opened it.

"Bye Sarah." He said closing it behind him, missing the worried look she gave him.

Chuck turned around after he shut the door and leaned his back heavily against it sighing deeply. He closed his eyes tight and chanted to himself to calm down. Everything will be fine.

"Chuck? What's wrong?" Ellies voice broke through his haze and he immediately stood up straight from the door. He look over to her sitting curled on the couch watching some show on TV. As she stared at him she turned the TV off looking alarmed. He wanted to tell her that everything was fine but he couldn't.

Walking away from the door he placed his knee on the cushion on the couch and kneeled on it before he wrapped his long lanky arms around his sisters middle laying his head on her lap and stomach. He didn't intend to start off like this curled up around his sister sobbing but the stress of the past 48 hours had just hit him and he just wanted to be with someone who was nice to him and saw him for him for just a little bit.

His sister for her part, he knew was freaking out over his behavior but just held him, running her hands through his hair and face, rubbing his back as he sobbed his sorrows to her. After an extended amount of time the sobs turned into whimpers and hiccups as he was calming down. He glanced up at his sister from his position and saw the moisture in her eyes as she felt whatever pain he felt too. He knew she found the burns on his arms during that time, as she comforted him.

"I'm sorry Ellie. I'm so sorry." He cried out. Ellie brought her thumbs to under his eyes and wiped away the tears that were still falling.

"It's ok Chuck. Whatever it is we can deal alight? We always have and we always will." She told him encouragingly. Chuck let a small smile escape his lips at her enthusiasm. He knew if the world fell apart around him he could always count on Ellie to help tape it back together.

With one last swipe of tears she pushed him slightly to get him to stand up. He crawled up on his knees on the couch as she stood up and stretched before holding out her hand to him. He took it gratefully and stood up towering over her as she led him to the bathroom so she could check his arms herself.

Chuck closed the door behind him, guaranteeing them privacy for what he had to tell her. He knew it was the only place that wasn't bugged, something he had begged for. Just a little privacy.

"Take your shirt off I want to make sure you have no other wounds." She instructed him not looking towards him; she was busy getting out medical supplies she kept beneath the sink. When Chuck made no move to do what she asked she finally looked up from her position on the floor.

"Chuck?" She asked him and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself taking a few extra deep breaths.

"Please sit down Ellie I have something important to tell you. " He said, mustering all the strength and courage he could. Ellie stood up alarmed.

"Chuck?" She said again walking towards him. Chuck took a second to look behind him at the door, thinking he heard something. When nothing happened he grabbed Ellies hand and led her to sit on top of the toilet seat while he kneeled beside her and held her hands in her lap. His mind drifted for a second as he gathered his thoughts that he was glad they were neat freaks or this might be gross to kneel on.

"I have something important to tell you. Something that sounds so, incredible that I hope that you believe me." He started.

"If you believe it to be true Chuck I'll believe you. You'd never lie to me." She said. That statement struck pain in his heart so strong that he put his hand to his chest and moaned loudly as his heart tried to come out. The tears began falling from his eyes again as guilt wracked through him.

"That's just it Ellie. I've lied to you. I've been lying for the past two years." He cried out. Ellie began trying to sooth him aging running her hand through his hair again.

"Then tell me what you lied about ok? It can be fixed I promise you. You're not alone." She said soothingly.

Chuck took a few steadying breaths and wiped his hand over his eyes. He thought of the best place to begin, having so much to tell her and so little time. He was well aware that Casey and Sarah would be watching until they came out of that bathroom and when it wasn't quickly they would suspect he was telling her.

"It started two years ago on my birthday when I received an email from Bryce Larkin."

With that he told her the extraordinary tale of his life over the past two years. Everything he's always wanted to tell her, everything he heated keeping from her. Ellie sat patiently not asking any questions as his eyes glazed over and the tale came out of him.

He told her of Sarah and Casey, of Bryce still being alive. He told her of the missions, leaving out specifics. He confessed all the lies he's told her, everything he's hidden from her.

To Ellies credit she didn't interrupt him once and Chuck was eternally grateful to her for that. He wasn't sure if he would be able to tell the whole tale of complete it with questions. He was also worried about time. He was worried that any second Casey and Sarah would come busting through the door, guns drawn, ready to take him out. To either kill him or take him to the bunker they've threatened him with quietly for the past two years.

"Wow." Ellie said as he finished his tale. He couldn't help but let a light laugh escape. He just told her the most incredible story and all she could say is 'wow'.

"I know. It's hard to believe but I swear Ellie, it's all true. I'm not lying or crazy or anything." He said desperately. But she gave him her patented Ellie smile.

"It is hard to believe. And honestly if you hadn't had such a hard time lately I would seriously consider you crazy." She confessed looking him directly in his eyes. "But this proves to me that something is wrong." She brought his arm up showing him the burn marks that littered his skin.

She lowered his arm and just held on tight to his hand as if afraid to let go. The silence stretched out each stuck in their own thoughts. Chuck wasn't sure what else to say, there was more but there wasn't much time left until they were interrupted and all could very much go to hell.

"There's one more thing Ellie. The reason I'm telling you all this now. They know-"He paused taking a deep breath. "They know about this and what happened before." He said indicating his arm again.

"I don't under-"

"If there comes a time where I need to be…dealt with they will use it against me and they will stage it to be a suicide." He told her bringing a hand up to run through this hair. He felt anger that they would use such a situation to bring pain to his sister, but that's why he was telling her now.

"Chuck, I-"

"But it won't be me. I need you to know that. In the event that I end up dead I want you to know I didn't back out of my promise. I wasn't weak. I didn't give in. Please you have to believe I would never do that. Not again." He pleaded with her, his voice rising in desperation. Ellie tried calming him but he needed her to believe him.

"I know Chuck. I know you wouldn't" Was all she could say as he got more worked up.

Chuck let out a relieved breath of air, eyes fluttering tiredly as he sank further on his knees and brought his head down to the floor in relief. He tried steadying his heart rate and breath, knowing getting worked up over this was no helping the situation.

After a few moments Chuck finally sat up and gave his sister a sad smile, she watched him concerned but he could see the panic in her eyes she was trying to hide from him. He wasn't sure what she was panicking about, it could be anything, but he was just glad she wasn't running out the door to call the hospital to pick him up.

"So Sarah, she's not your real girlfriend, she's an Agent." Ellie asked him, and he thought for a moment on what was so important about that. Out of everything he just told her it was odd she'd focus on that. But he didn't blame her; it was a lot to take in.

"No she's an Agent for the CIA. She's just my handler." He told her causing his heart to hurt more. He wished it wasn't the truth but he had to face facts. Sarah was only there to do her job. And if the time came, he had no doubt in his mind that she would be the one to take him out.

"I see." Ellie said simply standing up. She reached down to help Chuck stand up, his legs feeling pain and numbness at being kneeled down for so long.

"I'm sorry to burden you with all this information Ellie." He apologized to her. Ellie wrapped her arms around him tightly, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Never apologize for this Chuck. You have never been a burden. This was done to you, not by you. I'm always here for you no matter what ok?" With that she gave him one final squeeze before letting go.

Chuck gave another sad smile before walking to the door and glancing back at his sister before finally opening it. His head turned right as it opened and his heart stopped at the sad look on Sarah's face as she stood there waiting.

"Oh Chuck, what have you done?" Sarah said softy. For the first time since he realized they would make him break his promise to Ellie he felt guilty. He betrayed Sarah's trust to keep this secret and he went at the first opportunity to tell his sister.

He was so numb at the suddenness of seeing Sarah there that he barley registered as his sister pulled the door opened the rest of the way, stepped in front of him, and proceeded to bring her first back and hit Sarah square in the face.

His mouth fell astonished as Sarah fell backwards against the wall across from the bathroom. He quickly moved in front of Ellie moving her away from Sarah in fear of retaliation.

"You bitch! How could you!" Ellie shouted at Sarah from behind Chuck. He was confused and caught between wanting to help Sarah up and fear for Ellie.

Sarah stood up straight and brought her hand down from her face to check for any blood. There wasn't any but from the angry red mark in the shape of a fist there will be a black eye in no time. Sarah had yet to respond as she pressed gently on her would and Chuck relaxed slightly as she gave no sign of retaliation.

"Ellie, I-"

"No! I trusted you! With my brother!"

"Ellie stop." Chuck protested turning to face her. He saw her livid angry eyes and tears brimming. He didn't want them to fight but he had to admit that it felt good that someone at least seemed to care.

"No Chuck. Don't you see it? She played you. She uses you with the permission of the government. And I allowed it. I blessed it." She was angry now and he was slightly frightened. Angry Ellie was not a pretty sight and not easy to handle. But he felt his mind breaking; he needed her to be solid.

"Stop Ellie, just stop I know I know all this. I need you to be the sane one right now. Please." He begged her desperately. Ellie took a few stuttering breaths before she nodded her conformity. He watched her glare at Sarah who had yet to say word through the whole thing.

"We need to get to Casey's. We need to report to Beckman." Sarah said sadly walking away from them.

Chuck closed his eyes and covered his face. Everything seemed to be going wrong and he didn't know how much longer he could hold it together. He may not be willing to kill himself because of the promise but he knew that won't stop him from everything else. The evident on his arm showed him that.

"Come on Chuck." Sarah said softly from the end of the hall waiting for them to follow.

"What the F-"Casey started but was stopped with a raised hand from Sarah as they entered his apartment. Ellie looked around curiously, always wondering what Casey's apartment would look like.

"What is he doing here?" Chuck said alarmed stopping in the doorway causing Ellie to crash into him. She looked around him eyes opened wide in astonishment before narrowing.

"Why you little-"She was cut off by Chuck turning around to her again blocking her view.

"Ellie Plea-"

"I know I know. Sorry. It's just, a lot to take in. I thought he was dead." She told him.

"I told you he was alive." He argued but she just nodded and he turned back around.

"What are you doing here Bryce?" Chuck asked him warily. This was not the best time for him to show up with everything that's happening. He didn't want to deal with this shit.

Bryce Larkin smiled his ever cheesy agent smile that made Chuck want to punch him even more. Even thought he had been vindicated of things happening in the past, he still hadn't fully forgiven him. Probably never would. If Bryce hurt Chuck the way he did because he liked him, he'd hate to see what he'd do to an enemy.

But mostly, even though he longed for the careless days of college that they shared, he just wishes Bryce Larkin would go away. Especially now that he was at his lowest he's been in years.

"The General called me in after you met Natalie." He said simply. Ellie looked confused.

"Who is Natalie Chuck?" She asked him curiously, eyeing him. He didn't want to get into it. He had left that part of the story out of their talk.

"She's the girl your brother screwed last night who killed herself." Casey supplied annoyed as he filled out some report at the dining room table.

"What?" Ellie said clearly upset at this news.

Warily Chuck sat down heavily on the chair in the living room covering his face once more. He couldn't handle this anymore. Everything was building up once more and nothing made sense. Nothing since he left Sarah's hotel had made any sense.

He felt himself closing off as the voices around him continued. He didn't need or want to be a part of their conversation. He didn't need to know what they were saying. He knew they were talking about him, he could hear Ellies concerned voice as they recalled the small amount of details available in regards to Natalie.

He let his mind drift trying to think of nothing but his mind kept coming back to Natalie. Ellies telling him that he was being used by Sarah had hit something inside him. Had he been using Natalie? Was Casey right in his abrupt his assessment? Had he just screwed Natalie?

At the time he felt it was perfect. He had found somebody who seemed to understand him and get his issues. Yet he didn't know anything about her. He still didn't even in death with government agents. He had known this woman for less than a week, spent probably less than twenty-four hours total with her and he had screwed her.

He berated himself for that thought. He didn't just screw her it was more than that. Everything seemed perfect when they were together that night. The rain beating on the closed window, the mugginess of the room. He felt alive and wonderful and all he wanted to do was make this sad woman happy if only for a little while.

But she had killed herself, and left a message for him to join her. A message he disregarded. Was it callous? Was it expected? Did she really think he would join her in the afterlife? Was him sitting there more proof that he is just a fucked up guy who used a girl.

"Chuck stop it!" Ellie yelled at him startling him from his thoughts. He looked up at her confused for a second before the pain in his arm started to come through. He looked down to see his fingers clawing his skin and the blood that was seeping from the scratches. He looked up at Ellie saddened; he didn't mean to do it. He wasn't even aware that he was.

"I'm sorry." He said dully, giving them one last look before letting his eyes unfocused and go back to his thoughts. He needed help and he wasn't sure how to get it.

"Chuck? Chuck man, snap out of it." Bryce's voice broke through his thoughts.

Chuck shook his head coming out from the dark places his thoughts had taken him to focus on Bryce crouching in front of him. He took a moment to look around and found himself curled up on his couch at his own home. He was confused thinking back on how he got there but having no memory.

"How…what…" He started confused. Bryce picked up on it.

"You were pretty out of it Chuck so they had Casey bring you home. Ellie is still there duking it out with Sarah she's pretty upset." He told him as he got up from the crouch and moved over to the overstuffed chair by the couch.

Chuck sat up and covered his face trying to get his barring.

"Is Casey there?" He asked him lowering his hands to look at Bryce. Bryce gave a smirk before answering.

"Oh yeah. You think Casey is going to leave your sister alone with Sarah after she punched her. Let me tell you Beckman was not amused. Or maybe she was she's a hard woman to read." Bryce told him causing a small smirk to come out of Chuck.

"I can't believe Ellie hit her. Ellie Bartowski, non-violent doctor hit Sarah international CIA ninja assassin." Chuck said amazed. For a second everything felt normal. For a second he felt like he was home from school with Bryce on a holiday. But it all came crashing back down.

"What's going on Chuck?" Bryce finally asked after several minutes of silence. Chuck just closed his eyes and turned away facing away from him. As much as Chuck liked to talk, talking about what's actually wrong was not something he liked to do, hence why people go so worried. And if he was honest with himself Bryce Larkin was the last person he ever wanted to talk to.

They sat in silence for several minutes, Chuck doing his best to ignore Bryce and Bryce waiting for Chuck to begin talking. He never really knew how bad his depression could get as Chuck while under a lot of stress to succeed in school seemed down a lot but generally seemed like a happy guy.

"Chuck." He prompted again.

"I don't want to discuss it with you. Or anything. What the fuck are you doing here anyways?" He spat out angrily at Bryce. He grimaced at his harsh language. He really didn't like to swear.

"Beckman brought me in. She spoke to me a few weeks ago. They were concerned the way you've been acting lately. She wanted to know what kind of risk you'd be." He told him. Chuck laughed out loud at that.

"Risk, nice to see how much she cares." He said sadly. He took a few deep breaths. "How much trouble am I in?" He asked Bryce, finally looking at him. He saw Bryce's pensive face a for a second was worried he wouldn't get some bullshit CIA answer. "The truth Bryce. Please."

"Honestly at this point I don't know. I was brought in a few days ago to assess the situation. With The death of this Natalie girl, it made things more complicated." Bryce told him. The news was not good for Chuck.

"I don't…I didn't…" He didn't know what to say.

"Luckily you're not a suspect so there shouldn't be much repercussion from that." He said. Chuck gave a snort of derision.

"A woman died Bryce." He said annoyed at how callous he sounded. Bryce sighed loudly before continuing.

"Chuck, you are the Intersect chuck. And yes I know. It's my fault you are." He said knowing exactly what Chuck was going to spit out at him. "But regardless you are and you have to take better care of yourself. Sleeping with random people-"

"Stop. Just stop." With that Chuck got up and began pacing, something he's been doing a lot of lately.

"It wasn't like that. It's not like I planned it. Or that I'm doing it on purpose. I don't-"He didn't know why he was even bothering to explain it. All people see are the facts not caring about what's causing it.

"I know Chuck." He said softly. Chuck plopped down on the couch and starred into space. He didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted to go to his room and just sleep forever.

"You know. I was glad when Sarah was assigned to you. Finding that out, I couldn't have been happier." Bryce said softly. Curiously Chuck looked over at him, wondering what he meant exactly. It was a few moments before Bryce continued. "You know she's damaged too."

"She's not damaged, she's perfect." It was Bryce's turn to laugh.

"Hardly. She's is so incredibly smart, and beautiful and talented. But she has problems too. Issues like you. Only she's not allowed to express them or solve them without repercussions." He told Chuck, staring at him dead on.

"She loves her job. She wants to be the best." Chuck said plainly.

"She is the best. But, finding she was paired with you. I knew she'd be ok." Bryce was smiling now, obviously thinking of Sarah. But Chuck still didn't get it.

"I don't understand." He admitted tiredly. Bryce sat forward in the chair and looked directly at Chuck making sure he understood now.

"You never will if you don't stop wallowing in your own problems." Bryce bit out harshly causing Chuck to cringe. It took all his will power to stay there and listen further instead of withdrawal into his mind, something that's been easier and easier to do each time.

Bryce lowered his head and ran his hands over his face for a second before dropping them, obviously regretting being so harsh to Chuck in his words and tone. But he was desperate for him to hear him.

"I mean let her help you Chuck. And in helping you, you can help her. Help her come out, feel safe, talk, feel. She's as damaged as you are. And together, I honestly believe you two can heal each other." He said.

Chuck wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd tried helping Sarah. He'd been open with her about how he felt about her. She knew hell the world knew how he felt about Sarah Walker. He was always sure she had problems of her own, he always knew it was more than just CIA training. But she's always been so resistant to help.

He was thankfully saved from having to reply by the door opening quickly and slamming to the other side. An annoyed looking Ellie Bartowski walked in brusquely with her arms folded in front of her. She stopped by the couch and gave a small smile to Chuck, indicating it wasn't him that she was mad at.

Behind her Sarah walked in at a more sedate pace. Her face on the left side puffy red and starting to form a bruise. Chuck couldn't help but grimace at the sight of it, though secretly he still found her to be absolutely beautiful.

"Pack a bag Chuck. We're going away for a week." Ground out softly to him, looking directly at him and nothing else. Chuck was confused again.

"Where are we going?" He asked her looking over at Sarah who was sharing a look at Bryce, causing jealousy to course through him.

"Away. We need some time alone. We leave in an hour. Pack for warm weather. "With that she gave a final glare at Bryce and Sarah and walked away.

Chuck sat there confused still.

The end...Just kidding.

A/N *sigh*

RR if will!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The car ride a few hours later was silent as they drove up the 101 toward Malibu. Chuck was still unsure of what exactly was happening but he trusted his sister, and his handlers and packed his bad and go in the car.

Ellie insisted that she sit in the back with Chuck, which was just fine with him. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Casey and placing Sarah and Ellie together spelled bad news. He was amazed and impressed by the amount of restraint Sarah has shown in not retaliating against his sister. It helped him breathe easier and relax a little bit, though he had no intention of leaving them alone for any length of time. He knew his sister was capable of defending herself but Sarah was trained to kill, and though he didn't believe for a second that Sarah would harm his sister, he felt it more prudent to not put that to the test.

Currently Chuck was curled up, seatbelt tight in the seat behind the passenger, or Sarah as it was. He lay slightly to his right, head back against the head rest and watched the scenery go by. He could feel his sisters eyes on him every now and then, and it unnerved him a bit but he knew she was just worried.

He closed his eyes a moment as the sun hit him full force, taking a deep breath before opening them again to view the passing scenery. Usually he got easily car sick doing this but he didn't feel it this time. He didn't feel much except the cold, causing him to wrap his arms tighter around himself. He wished he had worn warmer clothes but as it was he had jeans, a long sleeved shirt and his Buy More jacket on.

"Please turn down the AC." Ellies voice rang out as if reading his thoughts. Casey grunted a moment.

"It's over 90 out there. It'll get hot in here real quick if I do." He growled out. Chuck felt Ellies hand squeeze his knee.

"It's very cold back here please-"But she didn't need to finish the sentence as Sarah had reached over and turned it down. Ellie gave an exaggerated sigh but muttered a thank you to Sarah. They were silent a little longer as they drove along the mostly empty highway. Chuck was about to fall asleep, exhausted after everything that's happened. Still feeling tired and high strung at the same time he just wanted to sleep away everything.

"I still don't understand why you two had to come." Ellie said squeezing his knee. Chuck opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her, trying to convey with his eyes to not start anything. He knew his sister was pissed off about the situation.

"We couldn't very well allow you to wonder off with Chuck." Sarah told her gently, obviously trying to stop a fight from happening.

"He's an adult and he's my brother. I've taken care of him since he was a baby. He's perfectly safe with me." Ellie argued, arms crossing in front of her chest. He saw Sarah and Casey share a look and he worried more for Ellie. Sarah was obviously trying to get Casey to jump in but he just gave his amused little smile and let her take lead.

"He's not just your brother anymore Ellie. You know that now." Sarah said simply giving up on Casey. Chuck heard Ellie growl and looked at her alarmed.

"Drop dead Sarah." She said harshly, stunning Chuck.

"Ellie, stop." He said softly, but she heard him and her angry face fell to one of concern as she looked at Chuck. "Please just, stop." He begged her quietly. She nodded her resignation to let it drop.

The rest of the car ride was silent then as they drove north. Finally they reached their destination and stepped out of the car. It took Chuck longer than it should of, being exhausted and tall it took a few minutes for his body to wake up and the blood to pump through his veins as he stood at his full 6'4 height.

Ellie came around the car to stand next to him, grabbing his hand as they looked up at the hotel. It was huge and fancy and Chuck wondered how or why they would be there. He bet it was spendy.

"You pick this place?" He asked Ellie finally looking down at her. Her mouth closed as she shook her head.

"No, when I suggested it originally I was thinking of a hotel not far from here. It's beautiful but it's nothing like this." She said amazed. Chuck nodded his understanding.

"This place is more secure. Let's get into the room." Casey growled out again walking past them caring his and Chuck bag. Chuck felt guilty for a second but then realized he probably wouldn't have the strength to carry it anyways, even though he didn't pack much.

They entered the lobby and were immediately accosted by an employee to help take their luggage, Casey gave him a menacing glare and he scampered off as Casey walked to the check in counter.

Soon they were on their way up in the elevator. It was a long ride and Chuck stayed as near Ellie as possible, not really liking small spaces. As they reached their floor, third from the top, Sarah and Casey told them to wait outside while they cleared the room. Ellie gave a confused look at that. As they went in leaving them in the hall.

"They're just checking for bugs and listening devices." Chuck clarified for her, which seemed to kind of annoy her more. Chuck stepped away feeling it was at him but a quick grasp of his hand settled his nerves.

"It's clear." He heard Casey shout from within. They entered the suite, for that was what it was and gawked at it amazed. It was fully furnished with comfortable furniture and tastefully decorated. Ellie walked over to the balcony door and gasped at the beautiful view of the ocean down below and beyond.

"This place is, how, I don't understand." Ellie stammered out finally turning from the window towards the three of them.

"Don't worry; the NSA is paying for it. If you were going to go away it would have to be someplace we could easily make secure and make sure of privacy." Sarah said as Casey grumbled about wasting taxpayers' dollars.

Ellie nodded her understand, though Chuck could see she wasn't exactly happy about it.

"Ok what are the sleeping arrangements? I see two rooms so me and Chuck then you two." Ellie said coming down the few steps that lead to the balcony and grabbing her bag from the couch where she dropped it. Sarah cleared her throat and seemed to brace herself.

"Actually its Chuck and I in the master room, you'll be taking the other room and Casey will be out here keeping guard." Sarah said to which Ellies face immediately hardened and Chuck resisted sighing knowing what's going on.

"I think not. I'm not letting you sleep with my brother, even if it's just sleeping." Ellie told her stonily.

"Look, Ellie, we need to make sure he's secure. Best way is for one of us to be with him and Casey refuses so that leaves me."

"We're in a hotel room thirty floors up. I doubt anyone can get to him even if they knew he was here!" Ellie exclaimed.

Chuck sighed tired of the fighting and the stress. He turned away from them blocking out the rest of the fight and entered the nearest room, which luckily turned out to be the master bedroom. He walked towards the bed, kicking his shoes off as he went and pushed his bag that Casey must have placed there on the floor, satisfied when he heard the loud thump it made on the floor.

The bed looked so wonderful and inviting so he climbed up onto it and crawled to the top and heavily dropped himself on it. His eyes fluttered shut as the feeling of relaxation and comfort finally hit his body. It reminded him of the previous day, or was it that morning, he didn't know anymore, when he had fallen on Sarah's bed. Its warmth and comfort enveloping him as if hiding him and shielding him from the world.

He curled up on his side. Putting his hand under the pillow he stared out the balcony window to the ocean beyond. It was such a calming view having the sun filter through though he lay right out of reach of its rays.

He let his mind wander to the beauty of the ocean and calm his thoughts. He was baffled how something so beautiful and as violent as it rushes and races towards the shore and crashes onto the beach could be considered peaceful to one's mind. But either way he loved it. He loved the ocean, and the beach, and the annoying sand that gets everywhere.

He heard the door open slowly before someone entered, he didn't bother looking to see who it was knowing it was Ellie. If it was Sarah he wouldn't have heard anything, and Casey would have just stomped in making as much noise as possible.

He heard Ellie set her stuff down on the opposite side of the bed, continuing to stare out the glass as she came around and sat in a chair that was opposite him but didn't block his view. He felt her eyes on him as she watched him patiently waiting for him to speak to first. He was grateful.

"I wish you would stop fighting with Sarah." He said quietly, not looking at her. He heard her sigh but didn't answer something that did surprise him a bit. They were in a companionable silence for a while before Ellie finally stood up and held her hand out to him.

"Come on, there's a place I want to show you." She told him. Chuck closed his eyes and buried his face in the pillow for a second.

"Ellie, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lie here and, I don't know. Do nothing." He stated, voice muffled by the pillow. But Ellie would hear none of it. She crouched in front of the bed and poked his head till he turned it. She gave him a small smile that he couldn't help but return.

"I want to talk to you. Without your bodyguards. Come on. Let's get some fresh air." With that she stood up and held her hand out again.

To say his handlers were not pleased by the idea was an understatement. It took all Ellies convincing plus the promise to keep his watch and phone on him at all times convinced them to let him go. Though he knew, but would not be telling Ellie that they would actually be following them, making sure there was no danger to him.

It made him feel saddened though that he couldn't even take a private walk with his sister. He did hope that they would at least give them enough privacy to talk. He hadn't had a private conversation with his sister in so long; he missed her advice and her encouragement. He missed telling her the truth.

They walked down a path near the beach and walked to a small hill that was covered in grass that was void of anyone else around. Ellie promptly sat down on the warm grass and sad that was there and indicated that Chuck do the same. He paused a few moments staring out into the horizon watching as the sun began getting lower. It was one of his favorite parts of living on the west coast, the frequent sunsets over the ocean. He liked those better than sun rises.

He took a moment to glance around, seeing people mill around as they finished their trip to the beach for the day and those who were just arriving for the show. He looked at dark corners that he could find or vehicles, trying to spot Sarah and Casey.

"They're there someplace Chuck but don't worry about it." Ellie told him looking up at him. He met her gaze and gave her a wane smile before finally sitting next to her.

"I'm sorry we can't even have a nice sunset alone." He said to her sadly still watching her. She stared into his eyes and wrapped her arm around him bringing him closer.

"It's not your fault Chuck. You are important. And not just to me. I do understand." She told him encouragingly. He watched her curiously and she laughed. "Ok, just because I understand doesn't mean I like it. I mean, you're my brother. I love you. And I feel they aren't respecting you as a person and just seeing you as…I don't know a machine." Chuck turned away from her then and stared out into the ocean. She was right and he felt that many times. Hence the situation he was in now.

"I'm stuck in this until the Intersect is gone. And even then, I know their secrets I don't know what's going to happen. "He admitted to her, feeling his eyes moisten. "And to be honest I'm kinda of scared."

Ellie reached back over squeezing him tighter as his emotions bugled up to the front and he started crying hard. It felt good to admit that and it felt good that someone seemed to care. They stayed like that for several minutes as he got his emotions back into place. He finally sat up a bit and wiped his face to rid the moisture.

"I'm sorry I seem to be everywhere emotionally late. Or at least the past day or so." He apologized to her and she rubbed his neck and shoulder comforting.

"It's probably because everything is finally coming out. Instead of holding it in everything is bubbling over. You need to let it out. Talk to me Chuck. I'm here to help you. We're here for a week of rest and relaxation and person counseling with each other." Ellie encouraged.

"Each other and my handlers you mean?" He poked, though he shouldn't knowing how much it annoyed her. She gave an un lady like snort of derision.

"Yea, they wouldn't let me take you away without taking them with us. I don't see how you deal with that Beckman woman she is so difficult." She complained much to his amusement.

"You gotta get used to her but yeah she can be tough." He paused for a second thinking of his next question. "Was she really mad finding out you knew." He asked tentatively. He knew he should be asking Sarah or Casey but he wanted to hear it from his sister first, mainly because she was the one there. His sister sighed before telling.

"Oh yeah. Royally. But then Casey brought up how it would be a good idea to have me on being as I'm a doctor, specializing in neurology, and I care for you so I won't betray you. She didn't seem to like it but she told him he had a point. "Chuck thought for a moment, was glad that Ellie would be on with him. He needed someone who was more in his corner.

"So you're in?" He asked her and she nodded. "Only in a medical capacity. My first 'order' as she placed it was to get you better. I suggested a week away just us would help but then we start therapy again next week. She's going to get some psychologist vetted or whatever that is." She said watching the sea as well.

They were silent for some time watching as the sun slowly made its way down the horizon and start dipping in the ocean. It was beautiful. Chuck felt calm and even a little happy at that moment for the first time in a long time. It only lasted briefly as his thoughts strayed back to Natalie and suddenly and happy feeling he felt a second ago drained out of him leaving him cold again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ellie bumped his shoulder. He turned away from her before turning his whole body facing her and away from the ocean and the beautiful sunset. Something Natalie would never see again.

"I have to tell you something Ellie. That I did. Something really bad." He couldn't look at her so he looked at his fingers as they twiddled with the imaginary lint off his pants. Ellie did the same, turning her body sitting cross legged facing him. She placed her elbows on her knees and gave him her full attention.

"It can't be that bad Chuck. You're too good a person." She told him honestly which made Chuck feel much worse.

"You won't think that after I tell you." He insisted. "I uh, met this girl a few days ago. She was, amazing." He started.

"Amazing how?" Chuck thought back to how she seemed to know him even though she didn't. How she was energetic and alive at the same time living some hell.

"She just was. She could see right through me. She knew me. For the first time in a long while, I felt alive with her. Well, I don't know if I felt really alive or if she was the first person to bring me out of that numbness I had been stuck in. But it felt in credible. And it was fast. And before I knew it, she's gone." He confessed. He risked a glance up at his sister who was watching with rapt attention. When he didn't continue she prompted further.

"Casey said, well, less crudely you, slept with her?" She asked and waited for him to continue. It took him a few moments as he closed his eyes and thought back to that night. What they did felt beautiful and what they spoke about scared him.

"Yeah. I did. I've never done that before. I mean I've slept with someone but I mean, not someone I just met. But it felt perfect, it felt right. Being with her, everything in me was beating and alive and I felt, I don't know. Good. For the first time in a long time I felt good. And not just you know. Cause of what we were doing. "He blushed then. He's talked about sex with her before, in fact she was the one to have 'the talk' with him, but this felt strangely more intimate then anything he's ever done.

"It was special Chuck, nothing's wrong with that."

"But it is wrong because she's dead now. We had sex and then she killed herself with only one message left behind; Join Me." He spat out angrily at himself more than Ellie. "If I had just kept it in my fucking pants."

He buried his fingers in his hair again and tugged hard causing himself pain and pulling some hair out as well. He felt so guilty over the whole thing. It was his fault he knew it and no amount of people telling him otherwise. They sat there like that for a few moments before Ellie grabbed his wrists and forced his hands away from his head. He looked into her eyes and his face softened from self-hatred to sadness that he was causing his sister distress.

"Never think that Chuck" She said desperately trying to get through. "Was it right that you slept with a stranger? No probably not. But it doesn't make you bad, or make it any less special. She sounds like she was a pretty sick girl. And you, well, you're not well either."

"I know but I feel so guilty. Cause I won't join her. I can't. I'm not afraid to die but I don't want to yet. I can't leave you, or Morgan. I can help people. I just, I need help too." He pleaded with her to understand, and was relieved when he saw she did.

"I know Chuck. And I'm so glad you're not going. But don't feel guilty about the message ok? She was very sick, probably very lonely and you filled some void momentarily where she felt she had the courage to do what she did. It's sad and tragic, but you can't let it weigh you down. Learn from it but you have to live." She told him.

Chuck gave a soft laugh as the tears poured down his face; he could taste them as they fell in his mouth from his lips. He took another glance out over the ocean thinking once more how beautiful it was.

"I love you Ellie you know that right?" He told her without preamble. She smiled brightly at him.

"Of course I do." They sat in silence for a little bit as the sun set further in the ocean. The last rays flickering across the water in dazzling patterns. Lights from around the hotels and restaurants that lined the edge of the beach lit up causing the darkness away.

"I want you to forgive Sarah." He said finally breaking the silence. Ellie looked at him hard and bit her lower lip annoyed for a second before responding.

"Look, Chuck, I get it. About Sarah. And for that I promise I will try but I have to be mad right now." She said simply. Chuck looked over at her mournfully.

"Why? I don't understand." He told her. Ellie took a deep breath as she thought.

"Chuck you love her. I know you do so don't deny it. And I encouraged that. I rooted for you two. But she lied to me about you two."

"I lied too. I didn't tell you-"

"Chuck. Look. She lied about who she was. She's not your girlfriend. She's using you. You love her chuck. Doesn't that hurt?" She asked him exasperated. He thought for a moment. Yes it did hurt. A lot.

"But it's my heart that's being hurt Ellie. I don't want you two fighting. I want you to get along with her. Because I love her." He told her plainly. Ellie was silent a few moments.

"I know Chuck. And for that I will forgive her at some point but for right now I think I just need to be mad ok?" With that she stood up and stretched before reaching down to help Chuck up. They began walking back down the beach towards their hotel.

"I'm going to try to help her too Ellie." He told her sincerely.

"Why Chuck? You should be focusing on you first. I don't know much about Sarah the Agent but I can just image all the issues a seasoned Agent of the CIA would have." She told him honestly.

Chuck stopped in the middle of the walk and turned towards her with a smile she hadn't seen in such a long time.

"I know, but a friend told me that in helping her, perhaps I can help myself. I need her Ellie. I love her." He said.

"And if she doesn't love you back Chuck? What then."

Chuck thought of that for a moment. Right now the thought that Sarah not loving him hurt him deeply and began bringing in the hard feelings of loneliness and despair. But then the thought of all the times they've spent together in the past two years. Everything they shared and didn't share. He knew that even if she can't admit it, in some way she loved him too.

"What's love if you don't risk anything? I'd rather her be healthy and whole and able to love then not. Even if it's not me. It's a chance I have to take." With that determination in mind, Chuck walked down back to the hotel.

A/N: Ok i swear this is the last till the 6th. I can't type anymore and take calls so i have to 'long hand it" if i want to write more so that means typing it up later. What a long weekend. Why cant it be 830 on saturday already? anyone with a time machine...please..?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

By the end of the week for the most part Chuck felt much better. He knew he still had some issues to work out, and he had been informed by Sarah they have an approved psychiatrist for him to talk to when they get back, but for the moment he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

At first he dreaded having his handlers so close to him and his sister, feeling the stress of trying to talk to her and having privacy took its toll on him the first couple days. But having his sister there with him, continuing to try with him to try to communicate made him feel lighter and happier than he's felt in a long time. For the first time since this whole thing happened, Chuck felt like he wasn't alone.

With that being said the tension between Ellie and Sarah had become so thick that Chuck was sure he could slice it with one of Sarah's knives. Ellie was still very angry over Sarah's deceit even though Chuck explained to her the necessity of it. But Ellie, while understand still felt betrayed and the stress of it was causing severe delays in Chuck's recovery.

"Ellie, Please, I'm begging you. Let Sarah be. Don't forgive her if you can't but please just, be friendly. For me." He begged her on the last night they were there. He was sitting on their bed, cross legged as he watched his sister put on makeup, something he used to do a lot growing up.

The situation brought back both painful and happy memories of their childhood, before their father had left. Ellie, while taking the responsibility of raising Chuck and taking care of the house still felt the freedom a little to be a kid. She would occasionally go out on dates and Chuck would sit on her bed and watch her put on her makeup while he told her about his day.

Tonight was far different from those times back then. Times that seemed hard at the time but were simple in comparison to now.

He didn't want to go out. Didn't feel like getting dressed up for a meal. He wasn't even that hungry although he had started to regain his appetite back much to Ellie's elevation. But Sarah had suggested since it was their last night there they should all dress up and go to dinner.

"I know Chuck. I promise tonight I will be on my best behavior. Alright?" She promised putting her lipstick on before turning towards him.

He sat with his legs crossed and elbows on his knees. He heard Ellie tisk at the thought of wrinkling his nice clothes but she just walked over to him and sat on the bed next to him.

"I don't want to do this, can't we just say here?" he pleaded with her. She shook her head.

"This will be fun Chuck it's out last night here then back to the real world."

"The real world where I'm alone again, stuck in a never ending situation beyond my control."

"The real world where I'm there for you when you need to talk to me, or just need a friend. " Ellie told him encouraging. But Chuck had his doubts. He wasn't sure how much he would be permitted to tell her. And everyplace he went was bugged. This was the most privacy he's had in two years.

"I can't go back to how it was Ellie. The lack of privacy, the being alone. The lying. It's too much for me." He admitted softly. Ellie leaned over and placed her arm around her brother.

"I know sweetie. But I need you to trust me Chuck. I'm your sister, and your doctor. I'm not going to let you feel that way anymore. You have me and I am completely on your side. You're not alone anymore."  
Chuck turned his head to hide the tear that had fallen from the side and wiped it away, he didn't know what to say, but he was glad she was on his side.

A knock at the door and grunt informed them that Casey and Sarah were ready and that it was time to go. They both paused to give each other a look before breaking out into laughter.

The restraint Sarah picked was exquisite. There was no other term for it. Chuck felt slightly underdressed there especially with his trademark Chucks on but he kept his focus down on the ground and allowed Ellie to drag him to the table.

Once the wine was ordered and the food was on its way conversation came to a halt as the tension rose. Chuck could feel it as thick as smoke in a fire and wondered idly if he could cut it with one of Sarah's knives.

"So, are you two excited to get home?" Sarah asked, trying to break the ice. Ellie took a sip of her wine in order to prolong an answer and Chuck just nodded his head. He hoped Ellie wasn't going to just ignore Sarah, that would be almost as bad as the biting tone and angry words she's been using with her lately.

"What are your plans?" She asked them. Ellie set down her glass.

"Keeping tabs on him already? Does he need permission to do anything?" She asked her harshly and Chuck cringed at her tone. He reached over on the table and tapped her hand a few times but she ignored him and looked right at Sarah.

Sarah for her part seemed to be tired of the whole thing as well, much to Chuck's dismay, knowing exactly what she was capable of. She sat on the other side of Chuck and leaning over him she looked directly at Ellie.

"Ellie, just say what you want to say to me and get it over with. I'm not going away. I'm in Chuck's life and no amount of hateful words or mutterings is going to make me leave." She told her.

Chuck's eyes widened at the dare and he shrunk back away from both girls. He wasn't sure this was such a good idea or ideal place for this. He glanced at Casey for support on this but all he could see was the bastard smirking.

Ellie turned in her chair and faced Sarah, not even glancing at Chuck and gave her a cold hard look.

"I promised Chuck I would be on my best behavior tonight Sarah otherwise I would." Ellie said simply "And what I have to say to you is probably not something you want me to be shouting in a restaurant." With that she turned away again picking up her wine glass.

Chuck was frightened by the look on Sarah's face of pure anger and was very frightened of what she would do to Ellie. He was well aware that she's probably restrained from now because of him and how it would look bad on a mission report but he could tell that she was at the end of her rope with Ellie's attitude.

Trying to defuse the situation with Sarah for now he sat up in his chair and leaned forward blocking part of her view of Ellie. He reached out and put his hand on top of hers that lay on the table. She looked at him startled for a moment, obviously lost in her own angry before seeing the soft look in his eyes. She turned her hand over and entwined their fingers to Chuck's surprise.

"We have a lot to talk about too you know." She said softly so only he could hear. He just stared into her eyes and nodded. They did.

"Perhaps tonight?" He suggested to her and she smiled for a second before it faded and she looked over his shoulder. He didn't have to turn to see that Ellie was glaring at her. Sarah shook her head and turned her attention back to him and squeezed his hand, giving him her award winning smile.

"Not tonight. I think I have to deal with your sister tonight, but soon. When we get back to Burbank. We defiantly need to talk ok?" She told him. He closed his eyes momentarily as her other hand reached up to wipe a piece of stray hair from his eyes. "Maybe you should consider a haircut, you're looking kinda shabby." She teased him.

Chuck smiled at her, knowing she was right. He didn't have short hair often but he liked to try to keep it semi tamed shaggy. His smile dropped into a serious look as he held tight to her fingers.

"Please, don't hurt her Sarah." He begged her and she frowned.

"I wouldn't do anything to harm Ellie. Don't you trust me?" She asked sadly, taking the request personal. She nodded his head.

"I've trusted you with my life for the past two years. Which is exactly why I'm asking you to not hurt her. I know how you get when I'm involved." He said teasingly, though he was deadly serious.

"I promise I will not hit her with anything other than words." She said giving him a smile and another squeeze.

Just then their food arrived and was placed in front them. Chuck went to release her hand and pick up his fork but she held tightly on and leaned forward to him.

"I know she cares about you and is worried about you. I can't fault her for that. I know she's angry with me. Don't worry about us. We'll be fine." She said and then placed a kiss on his temple. Chuck closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her lips on his skin before opening them once more meeting her eyes.

Dinner went as smoothly as possible with small talk and good food. Even Chuck managed to eat most of it which his sister was still harping about how proud she was. He felt like a little kid who finally ate his vegetables the way she went on. He had looked at himself in the elevators reflection and noticed that he did seem more filled out, and that all the forced eating and snacks they've all given him this week seemed to put more weight on him.

He was glad that out of all his issues at least image wasn't really one of them. He would be freaking out about gaining all this weight, though he was still extremely lanky and thin and somewhat awkward. He wondered if he would ever grow out of that, but since he's been 6'4 for over ten years now, he probably would just have to deal with it.

"Chuck, can you please go into the other room." Ellie said as they got into the suite. Chuck had barely taken off his jacket before he was instructed to leave. Sarah on the other hand just turned around after entering first and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I think he can stay here Ellie he's a big boy." She barked out both girls looking at him expectantly. Chuck stood there frozen in place not sure which to obey. Luckily Casey made the decision for him as he pointed at the couch and barked "sit down" at him.

He could see Ellie glaring at Casey and yet again he feared for his sisters' life. Casey was even more ruthless than Sarah was and he suddenly felt complete and utter regret of bringing his sister into this mess he was in.

"I don't think he needs to be here for this." She protested but Casey just sat in the chair opposite her and crossed his legs getting comfortable.

"I don't care what you think the nerd needs. This involves all of us. We are his handlers and like it or not we get a say, the final say in what happens when it comes to the intersect." He growled out. Ellie must have seen red because she positively exploded.

"Intersect? His name is Chuck, Casey, he has a name. He's not just a machine or toy for the government to play with and use. He's a human with rights." She protested angrily, but Casey showed no reflection of her shouting affecting him.

"Like it or not right now he is a tool for the US government. Now we've tried hard to keep him here,"

"Casey Stop!" Sarah tried to interrupt.

"But if this is how you're going to act perhaps it's time he go to a more secure location." He said not looking at Sarah.

Chuck took several deep breaths as panic built up inside of him at Casey's words. He couldn't go into a bunker, he didn't know if he would be able to keep his promise to Ellie. Suddenly everything that had been lifted and better this week began crashing down on him and he couldn't breathe anymore.

"Chuck?" Ellie said coming to her brother side as he struggled to breath. He wanted to hit something, to take the pain and fear away he was feeling inside him. He needed it to come out but he only knew of one way to do it. "Breath sweetie, you have to breath, don't hold your breath."

But Chuck wasn't listening. All he could see behind his closed eyelids were four cement walls buried under many feet below the ground. He would essentially be buried alive. That thought gripped in his mind as he fought off imaginary demons that was holding him down until his world came back into sharp focus by a slap across the face and two female voices shouting

"Casey!"

"Snap out of it Bartowski" He heard Casey shout at him as his world came back into focus and he breathed hard as another slap was delivered. He struggled against the hands that were on him for a few more moments before his facility's came back to him and he finally collapsed. He noted as he breathed that he was lying on the couch now instead of sitting up. He was embarrassed and confused by what just happened.

He looked up at his sister as she gently ran her hand up and down his arm in a soothing manner. He felt sharp pain on the side of his face and he reached up slowly and felt claw marks. Looking down at his hands he saw blood cover them as well as some skin. He must have clawed at his own skin again.

"It's ok Chuck they're light scratches you'll be fine. They won't even scar most likely." His sister said soothingly. She brought her hand up to the side of his face and wipped away the blood with a tissue.

He felt the tears fall then as he breathed heavily and the emotions came back but feeling more secure and in control of them he let it happened. The thought of the bunker had always scared him into submission and Casey's casural view of sending him there made him feel out of control again.

"Sorry." He chocked out. "I'm sorry." He buried his face in the cushion of the couch as he struggled to get his emotions in check. He didn't understand how he could go from being so in control that nobody seemed to notice for a long time that something was wrong, to now where he was just on the surface of some kind of breakdown. He hated this more than before. He hated himself more this way.

"How could you Casey. That was irresponsible of you." Sarah's voice ran through causing him to look back up relaxing his head on the pillow Ellie placed beneath it.

"Oh please, don't play innocent you know very well that's a possibility. They don't need or want an unstable Intersect out running around free."

"And your solution for that is to prove how unstable he is? What kinda of-" Sarah took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Casey, I recommend that you leave right now." She said with a deadly calm. Casey smirked at her not taking her recommendation.

"I don't think so Walker. You want to play house longer with him that's your issue but this assignment is going to end very badly if he doesn't get his act together. " He spat out at her.

"That's not your call Casey, I thought you were his friend." She said angrily. Chuck wanted to get up and get between them like he always did when they fought but he didn't have the energy, and it was nice to hear Sarah defend him. So he laid there on the couch, concentrating on his breathing and the feel of Ellie soothing him.

"I am his friend which is why I've recommended that he be placed in a more secure environment." Everyone was stunned at that, Sarah visibly stiffened at that. Chuck couldn't help the small sad smile that crossed his face at hearing Casey admit he was his friend.

"Please tell me you didn't." Sarah said in a whisper but by the look Casey was giving him she knew he had. Chuck looked at Ellie as she watched the two of them intently, alarm in her eyes. "Casey-"

"He needs a more secure environment. I stand by that and my decision. He's going around drinking and burning himself and fucking screwed up whores who kill themselves. He told his sister about the Intersect. He's a liability to himself and everyone involved. He needs help and security. Something we're not exactly equipped to give him."

Everyone in the room was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. He couldn't deny he was afraid. His mind racing around thinking this was the last week he would ever spend with his sister. His mind raced with all the things he had yet to tell her and he felt the panic rise up again slowly at the need to tell her now.

"You should have come to me first. I'm your partner." Sarah said, obviously feeling betrayed. But then Chuck watched her as she walked up to Casey and looked him straight in the eye. "I won't let them take him to a bunker." She told him straight. Casey nodded and took a step back conceding.

"It appears the General agrees with you for now. Due to his sisters' involvement now, she's willing to give a chance for everything to work out before taking any more, drastic measures. Bartowski stays here." Casey said before turning around and exiting the room.

Everyone left was silent afraid to break it, not quite sure what to say anyways. Chuck tried to sit up, feeling better and able to breath normal but Ellie pressed him back down on the couch and he stayed.

What would you have done if they were to take him?" Ellie asked her curiously. Sarah didn't seem to hear her at first as she stared at the door Casey just exited.

"I would have taken him away myself." She said tonelessly. Chuck could feel Ellie getting angry at that answer next to him.

"And where would you have taken him? Away from his friends and family, his life." Ellie spat out angrily. Chuck rubbed her back to calm her down but she was having none of it either. Sarah looked at her hard and angry and walked over to her. She sat down, carefully as she was in a short dress on the coffee table in front of them.

"Look Ellie, I know you're pissed off at me but you're just going to have to get over it. I didn't totally lie to you. I like your brother ok? A lot. But my first duty is to keep him safe. And yes if they were to take him to a bunker or anywhere else I would in a heartbeat take him away from their reach. He'd be away from you and everyone else he knows but he will be freer on the run then locked in a tiny bunker. And I need you to keep that to yourself because if they knew I'm prepared to run in an instant with the Intersect they would reassign me so fast and take him away we won't even know what happened."

The two women stared at each other as Chuck watched. His heart was elated to hear that she liked him, though it was no secret really even through her mixed signals. He was scared of the prospect of being on the run for the rest of his life but it did feel good to know that somebody cared.

Ellie was the one to break the silence as she reached over and embraced Sarah tightly.

"I knew it wasn't a game to you. Just keep him safe." She heard her say. He made eye contact with Sarah and he tried to convey his gratitude and thanks, she seemed to have received the message as she gave him a small smile as if to say "no problem."

At least his sister would stop bickering with Sarah now.

A/N: Damn i dont feel as depressed anymore so now i'm struggling. I think only another chapter or two and this will be done. Good news is i started a new one the other day i came up with. It involves...wait! that would be a spoiler! :-p . Enjoy! reviews appreciated.

Anyone eles participating in that NANow whatever its call thing this month?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The car ride back to Burbank was still somewhat tense even though Sarah and Ellie had made up in a way. Chuck was still confused about it but whatever girls need to tell themselves. Now it was tense because of Casey.

Sarah was upset still, well, more royally pissed off then upset that he had gone behind her back and talked to General Beckman about moving Chuck without talking to her first. Chuck remained laying on the couch most of the evening while the girls lounged in front of it talking up a storm. He only understood half of it, dozing off here and there during their conversation.

Once Casey came back in conversation stopped immediately as they both glared at him, but he showed no remorse. Chuck understood, he wasn't out to get him or end the assignment or anything. In his own way he cared about Chuck and that made Chuck feel warm and fuzzy.

However how Casey showed his affection left much to be desired.

By the time Chuck and Ellie came out of the bedroom packed and ready to go the next morning it appeared Casey and Sarah had come to some kind of silent truce, they did have to work together after all.

"Ah, home sweet home." Chuck said as they entered his apartment. Ellie went by him dropping her bags on the couch.

"It's great to be home. I missed Devon." She said, still obviously upset he got called in and couldn't meet them at home. They had planned to go out on a double date with Sarah and Chuck to catch him up on the week away and explain the sudden departure.

"I'm sorry sis. But I'm really glad you came with me." Chuck said sincerely, by the door. Ellie walked over to him and gave him a tight squeeze, not wanting to let go of him.

"It's ok. I'm glad I did too. I'm glad you told me the truth." She pulled back and quickly ruffled his hair before putting it back into place. "I just want you to be happy Chuck. You know that." She said earnestly. Chuck smiled at her and nodded. Out of everyone in the world he believed it the most from her.

"So what are you two's plans for the evening since ours together seems to be postponed. " Ellie asked as she walked around the apartment investigating it for any damage or neglect that might have happened in her absence.

"I thought I'd take a nap. I'm exhausted from this week, and before." Chuck admitted picking up his bag. Ellie looked at him worried but seeing the disappointed look on Sarah's face behind him she decided to change his mind.

"Why don't you go over to Sarah's for a bit and relax a bit. Have some dinner or something. Just because the plans change doesn't mean you have to cancel."

Chuck looked at her gaging her for some kind of agenda but decided that whatever it is he wouldn't figure it out anyways. He turned around to look at Sarah whose expression had changed from hopeful to neutral within a blink.

"You still want me over?" He asked her Sarah took a second to pretend to consider it before nodding, giving him her bright smile. "Alright, let me just put this away."

In no time at all they were in her hotel room and Chuck walked around the room. It was tidy and clean, totally different from the way they had left it. He wondered idly if Sarah let the house keepers in or if some special CIA cleaner came in, but he decided he didn't care enough to bother asking.

"So what do you want to do tonight." He asked her lightly feeling the tension rise again. The last time they were in the room together it wasn't a good time. They didn't fight but he felt betrayed and tired and was ready to give up. He couldn't believe that it's only been a week since that time.

A week since Natalie.

"I think we should talk Chuck." She said as lightly as possible, sitting down on the edge of her bed. Chuck followed suit by sitting in the chair by the window, the same one he had sat in a week ago asking to go home, before he told Ellie the truth.

"What, I mean, what is there to talk about? It's all we've done all week." He laughed lightly, but seeing the serious expression on her face his smile faded. He saw Sarah take a few steadying breath, obviously about to talk about something outside her comfort zone.

"I want to talk about what's been happening to you lately. I mean, more than what you've been talking about before, with Ellie around." She started. Seeing the confusion on his face she continued. "Chuck, you don't need reminding you're the Intersect and very valuable to this country-"

"Apparently not valuable enough if they're willing to use my problems against me and take my rights away." He interrupted her. She stared at him for a long moment.

"Chuck, that's not true." She said trying to defend her agency. Chuck gave a snort of derision.

"A week ago, right here, you confirmed I was right that they would stage my death as a suicide if I needed taken out. They are willing to put me in a bunker, not for my own safety, but for the safety of the Intersect. I'm not valuable at all Sarah. The Intersect is. And the CIA will either hide it away or take it out regardless of what it does to me." He stated firmly. It felt good to say it even though he knew he was insulting her Agency, her life, her only family like figure. But he was tired of hiding away from the truth.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. He could see Sarah struggling with the words she wanted to say. He'd help her out some, never wanting to see her struggle but he had no idea what she was trying to say.

"That's true Chuck. You're right." She admitted much to his surprise. "But I won't let them. I promise. Like I said yesterday I would take you away from all this and run before I let them harm you."

"I trust you with my life Sarah, but it's hard to trust your word." He said faintly. He regretted the words immediately after they came out of his mouth and saw her hurt expression but it was true. She lied to him so many times.

"I don't know what to do to earn your trust Chuck." She said looking at the ground.

"Tell me the truth. Stop lying to me. "

"Is that why, is that the reason for Natalie? Because you didn't trust me?" She asked finally looking at him. He didn't know what to say. On one hand he was outraged that she would think so little of him that he would act in a way that was petty and purposely hurtful towards her. On the other, she was sort of right. He loved her so much and doesn't have a chance.

"I don't know." He said honestly. Again the room fell in to silence. Chuck sat back in the chair and raised a leg up to his side and hugged it tightly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to deal with this now. But remembering what he told his sister. That he was going to help her, help Sarah.

"Why didn't you come talk to me Chuck. Before all this happened. I knew you were, well depressed but I didn't want to pressure you more." Anger flared lightly in his heart at that.

"How can I talk to you when you're part of the problem." He told her honestly, again she was hurt by his outburst. It took her a few moments to regain her composure.

"I know security with you is very tight Chuck but if it was this serious, you should have talked to one of us regardless. We're intruding on your life I know but we do care and want to help." She said. Chuck laughed again at her cluelessness. He was hoping it was just an act. The truth would hurt him far more.

"It wasn't the security or lack of privacy or the having to work two jobs one without pay. It wasn't the lying or secrets. Though it was all of them but no. The reason I couldn't come to you is because-" He didn't know what to say. It was now or never. "Because I care about you. A lot. More than I probably should but, you just push me away and pull me towards you."

Sarah was silent again at his confession and for a moment he felt that he had gone too far. If he was completely wrong about her feelings it could make everything uncomfortable but he decided to risk it.

"Chuck I…I can't-" She stuttered.

"Just tell me the truth Sarah." He whispered to her. She stood up and walked around the room. "It's ok Sarah, if you don't feel anything for me. I need you to say it. Maybe then I can move on. Get over this." He pressed gently watching her as she paced.

He could see the internal struggle she was having with herself and he desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. Staying silent he held his breath as he waited for the blow she was likely to deal.

"I do care." She said finally. She let out the breath she was holding and the smile she gave him could make the grumpiest of people smile.

"That wasn't so hard was it?" He teased but her smile fell slightly.

"Actually it was, is hard to admit Chuck." She told him sitting back on the bed. Chuck got up and walked over to her sitting next to her.

"It shouldn't be hard to tell someone you care about them." He told her faintly. He reached into her lap and grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers together. She stared at their hands a few minutes before she responded.

"Chuck you've met my father, you know the CIA. Emotions, feelings. They are kept to oneself. They, they're personal." She admitted to him cautiously. But he just gave her a nudge on the shoulder.

"I know you can be a very passionate person. You're always safe to share your feelings with me. Emotions make people, well people and not robots." He told letting his other hand brush through her hair lightly. He could see the Goosebumps it caused on her skin.

"I've never been one for talking or sharing feelings. It…I admit I'm jealous of you, and Ellie, Devon. You all share thoughts and feelings freely, and I feel left out a lot." She admitted to him with a slight hiccup.

Chuck thought for a moment about what she said, surprised by her admittance. Never knowing that she was jealous of how easy it was for the people around her to express their emotions while she was trapped inside herself keeping them secret.

"Well, we'll just have to practice. I believe that you can do anything you set your mind to do." Chuck stared into her eyes inches apart from her as he told her this. She was the most amazing person he knew and he no doubt knew she would overcome this.

To his surprise Sarah closed the gap between them and tenderly placed her lips upon his. He held his breath afraid to breathe as he closed his eyes at the sensation of the kiss raged through his body. He let her take control of the kiss, not wanting to push his boundaries and soon they were falling down on their sides on the bed.

But after a few moments of it, of wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly afraid to let go, he slowly pulled away, placing butterfly kisses as he did. She looked up at him confused and his hands released her.

"We can't do this now." He whispered to her, running his hand over her forehead and down the side of her face. Sarah immediately untangled herself from him and began sitting up but was pulled down by Chuck. She laid next to him trying not to meet his eyes.

Chuck leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling away again.

"I don't mean I don't want to Sarah because believe me I want to. But I don't think it's a great idea right now." He insisted. She finally looked him in the eyes then.

"Why not? You asked me how I feel. I'm telling you." She insisted trying to reach out to him but he sat up then.

"You're showing me Sarah. Which trust me I totally appreciate and I love but we were just talking about communication?" He said to her and she looked down slightly ashamed.

"I understand and you're right Chuck." They sat in silence for a few minutes just holding each other.

"On the plus side I think I know how you feel about me now." He teased.

Life for chuck after that was far from perfect, he had a long ways to go. He spent twice a week in therapy, one day by himself and one day with Ellie. She insisted on being part of it, helping him recover. She wanted them to get back to where they were two years ago before all this happened. She was shocked and appalled and proud of everything he'd done during his time as the Intersect, always knowing her brother was built for something great.

Chuck took his lessons he learned in therapy and once a week he and Sarah would meet in her apartment or on the beach or someplace else private and talk. After months of this he still didn't know much about her life but he was learning. It was difficult for her to give up years of training and years of abuse, something she wasn't aware of.

They bonded the most over their parent's abandonment. Her mother leaving her and with her father and while her father cared for his daughter, she learned that the neglect and what he put her through in those years were considered a form of child abuse, something she obviously hasn't started getting over.

The breakthrough when she acknowledged it was huge and Chuck was there as she cried out years of sorrow and regret over it.

They became closer that night.

Now on the eve of Ellies wedding the intersect had been removed from Chuck's head and he was free to live his life the way he wanted with the girl that he wanted.

The choice was up to Sarah, and he hoped that she chose him.

The End

A/N: I know its an abrupt end, but i'm not feeling this story. I left it the way it is cause my next story while NOT a sequel would fit nicely in here. BTW: I'm interview (AKA Accepting) a Beta. I think its time I get one. Please read and review.


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